


C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!

by dirksnipples



Series: Gay Assholes and Anime Cliches [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Also friendly reminder that Bill has a lot of emotional baggage, Anime, BILL FIND OUT YOU DORK, BILL WHY YOU NO LOOK AT NAMETAGS?, Bill is a huge nerd, Bill you must find out, F/F, F/M, Forgive me audience, Genderfluid!Dipper, Hipster!Bill Cipher, I gave you a body changing monster!, I will tag as the story goes, Let's face it audience this story is a romantic comedy with feels, M/M, Manga, Sad Backstories, Shits going down everyone, Short!Dipper, Short!Dipper Pines, Slow Burn, THE SMOL CHILD IS REVEALED, Tad and Bill being secretly cute besties, Tad is into anime and manga, Tad is such an anime nerd, Tad squeals like a girl about almost everything, Tad what have I done to you!, Tad's boyfriend is revealed!, WHO IS THIS MAN, Who is the mystrey guy Tad is seeing?, Yaoi, boys dressing like girls, dipper uses cute emojis, hipster!Bill, many anime references, past self harm, self hate, shits getting super real just you wait, so is Dipper, tad and his bf are weird sin please forgive me, this is something that no one probably even wanted, who is this kid???, wtf are tags?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-04-23 22:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4894012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirksnipples/pseuds/dirksnipples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The little girl stared up at Bill, who towered her by being six foot one. He wasn’t that used to having to look so far down, that he blinked at couple of times, observing her short brown curly hair with rainbow highlights throughout her hair. She looked into Bill’s golden eyes with her soft brown ones, seeming to look right through him almost. Bill slid his fingers up his suspenders, letting them snap as he straightened his black bow tie.</p><p>“Sorry about that, kid.” He said, his hands falling to his sides.</p><p>The girl looked him up and down, eyebrows rising just a little. She took in a breath, lip glossed lips parting ever so slightly, and Bill was waiting to hear what her small voice would sound like.</p><p>“I like your hat and space pants.”</p><p>That did not sound like a little girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Think I Just Found A Real Life Haruhi!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this, but I did know I wanted something very gay, and lots of anime references, and characters with bright obnoxious colors for clothing, and BillDip. I own non of the characters just this idea. 
> 
> Please forgive me for this horrible sin. It should have never crawled out from the deepest darkest parts of hell, but it did.

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _

 

The sound of fizzy soda sloshing into paper cups, the sound of loud and hurried munches, and noisy talking filled Bill Cipher’s ears. He always asked himself why he decided to put up with this every day, but then he would always remember that it was all for his beloved double cheese burger and long skinny fries, topped off with a large Dr. Pepper. He had to do it for his favorite greasy fattening food, and he had to make sure he still made the trek over to his most favorite spot that he had renamed ‘Bill’s spot’ for a reason. He even carved a triangle with and eye in the bench there to let everyone know that he owned the spot. Which in all reality no one sat there because of all the bees that swarmed there and have recently made a hive near as well. No one complained they just let it be. Heh, be.

Bill smirks to himself at his stupid use of words, and steps closer to the counter as two more people walk away with their bags of food in their hands.

He really should have brought his headphones. He always seemed to forget when heading out to go somewhere. He gave a sigh, running a hand through his long blonde bangs, but held them as he sneared before pulling his hand completely out of his hair. He had looked at his roots and saw dark brown. He made a face, putting a large bullet on his to do list to get more bleach. If he wanted to keep his asymmetrical pixie in top shape, he would have to buy a gazillion boxes of bleach ready for dying. Bill sighed and dropped his hand to his side, hunching his shoulders, and giving a rather loud grunt. He hated looking bad, it always discouraged him, and just flat out annoyed him.

That was when an idea sparked.

Bill’s face lit up in a smile, and he slid hid hands to his yellow satchel, opening it up and searching for a black beanie he had. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it had one of his favorite anime’s on it. Actually he only liked two, but he personally loved this one. It was Ouran High School Host club, and Tamaki’s face covered the front of it, rose in hand. He loved the hat with all his being, and would probably cry over it if it just up and disappeared one day.

Bill happily pulled the beanie out of his bag, throwing it on, and picking up his yellow conversed foot to step forward in line, only to bump into something small. He let his hands fall to his black suspenders with golden triangles on them as he looked down at the obstacle in his way. What he saw wasn’t an object; it was a kid, who looked to be about five foot zero, wearing a purple sweater, grey skirt, thigh-high black socks, and black flats. By the attire, he guessed this little girl was into obnoxious things, because when she turned around, the front of her shirt spelled out ‘Candy pop!’ in pink lettering, with little white hearts in the letters, but the a, o, and bottom of the exclamation point were bright red hearts.

The little girl stared up at Bill, who towered her by being six foot one. He wasn’t that used to having to look so far down. Bill blinked a couple of times, observing her short brown curly hair with rainbow highlights throughout it. She looked into Bill’s golden eyes with her soft brown ones, seeming to look right through him almost. Bill slid his fingers up his suspenders, letting them snap as he straightened his black bow tie.

“Sorry about that kid.” He said, his hands falling to his sides.

The girl looked him up and down, eyebrows rising just a little. She took in a breath, lip glossed lips parting ever so slightly, and Bill was waiting to hear what her small voice would sound like.

“I like your hat and space pants.”

That did not sound like a little girl.

Bill was shocked and frozen in place as the gi- boy. _The little boy_ , grabbed his bag of food, and walked off.

Bill stood dumbfounded, until he heard the lady behind the counter calling ‘Sir’ for what was probably the third or fourth time.

Bill was quick to order, pay, and go home to his roommate instead of heading to his spot. He was rather confused and the whole situation had him thinking of Haruhi.

♡ ♡ ♡

“So what if the kid dressed like a girl? That seems to be a new thing nowadays anyway, why stop it?” A pale man with nicely styled black hair, sporting a pair of grey sweats, and a black t-shirt said to Bill as he continued playing his dating sim game on his iPhone.

“Of course that’s normal to you Tad! You watch anime, and you read that boy’s love shit nearly every day!” Bill exclaimed as he sat down next to his roommate, pulling his cheeseburger out of the bag. He was quick to move the plastic away, and take a bite.

“Okay one, that’s called yaoi, and two, there’s people all over the world that dress as the opposite gender all the time. You see them every other day, Bill!” Tad said, and began to rapidly tap his phone. 

“Don’t bring my waiting job into this you short abomination!” Bill exclaimed as he took a dramatic bite out of his burger, watching Tad’s finger. He listened to the little ‘sque’s the small girl in a cat outfit made as Tad tapped her stomach at a rapid speed, getting something called ‘numa’ from it. Bill raised a brow at this, but his face soon morphed into slight fear, cheeks turning red, as the girl gave a rather long ‘Ahhh~!” loudly and high pitched, and she faded into black. A loading screen appeared, and Bill saw a girl in normal clothes appear on the screen, and options to choose from. What a strange dating sim…

Tad gave a scoff. “I’m only three inches shorter than you, jackass.” He mumbled as he hit several option buttons, before saving his game, and closing the app, whispering ‘I will have you soon Rika.’ under his breath. Bill figured it was the pink haired girl on the screen not too long ago.

“Whatever.” Bill said, eating more of his burger. He didn’t understand the whole anime, manga, dating sim stuff. All he knew was that Tad was into it all, and dragged him to the small anime store they had in the area every chance he got. Bill was amazed at the amount of Japanese culture inside of little store. There were figurines that varied from little to the size of a book almost. There were posters, English subbed and dubbed anime, plushies, body pillows, art. You name it and it probably had it.

Both Tad and Bill have been roommates since their freshman year in college, and you’d think that Bill would have seen more anime or even read some of Tad’s manga, but that was far from it. He’s only seen two anime, one being the one advertised on his beanie, the other being Kenichi the Mightiest Disciple. God, he laughed every time he watched that, he couldn’t help himself. But Tad always laughed to, so it was fine.

As much as Tad annoyed Bill, and no matter how much they argued, they still enjoyed each others company. Even if the events were spent in silence, they preferred each other over a lot of people.

“Do you have work tonight or tomorrow?” Tad asked as he pulled up tumblr, and scrolled through his dash. He saw anime girls one after the other, and Tad’s rapid movements of liking the photo and re-blogging it could be heard with little ‘paps’.

Bill sighed. He had forgotten about working tonight, despite the fact the other male brought it up. Bill sighed, laying his head back, and crumpling his burger wrapper. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, before lifting his head up, and pulling out his fries and eating them. “Tonight.” Bill grumbled, and Tad gave a slow nod.

“Well, how do you feel about- OHMYGODMYSENPAIISMAKINGAMANGA!” Tad exclaimed, dropping his phone, before picking it back up, and screen shotting the text, liking it and re-blogging it.

Bill grunted at his roommate’s excitement. “Your what is making a manga?” He asked dully as he finished his fries, and put the empty fry container back in the bag.

“My Senpai ‘Mystery-Enthusiast' on tumblr is making his own manga! His art style is amaze! I was wondering if he was going to do something like this for a while, and he is haha!” Tad locked his screen, hugging his phone, and murmuring something along the lines of ‘I always knew you would my hero.’

Bill rolled his eyes as he got up and headed toward their shared room. “Mhm, yeah. I’m going to go get ready for work, so you have fun with that.” Bill said, and hurried away, quickly slamming the door behind him. He knew what Tad was going to ask, so he didn’t bother trying to listen to him talk without spazzing about something. Tad always had something to say about this ‘Mystery–Enthusiast’ guy. He was always showing him art, or comic strips, and a bit of writing. He personally didn’t care, but Tad did. The guy was his number one supply of yaoi pictures. Bill had watched some pretty lame porn, but he had to admit that animated smut was rather nice to look at. He wouldn’t admit that out loud though. Tad would have a field day.

Bill sighed yet again, dropping his yellow satchel on his bed, and unhooking his suspenders, laying them on his bed. His yellow button up and black bow tie followed close by, along with his galaxy pants, beanie, and yellow converse. Tad tended to call him a hipster, and it was small moments like this that made Bill realize that he probably was. He didn’t think too much about it though, as he slipped on a pair of black slacks, followed by a dark red button up, black socks, and black dress shoes. Bill then left to the bathroom to brush his hair, and fix himself up a bit, before heading back into his room, grabbing his black apron, and tying it around his waist, and flipping his septum piercing up into his nose to hide it. 

He soon pocketed his phone and a pen, heading out to the living room where Tad was reading a fanfic. Tad saw him in his work clothes, and sat his phone down. “Leaving so soon?” He asked.

“Yeah, I work from five to close tonight. Granted I forgot, but still managed to get ready on time.” Bill said feeling rather proud of himself as he grabbed his yellow jacket.

“Good job, hipster.” Tad said, going back to his reading. “Have fun at work, I hear it’s supposed to get busy tonight.”

Bill’s shoulders slumped, and he frowned. “It’s that time again, is it?”

“It’s the perfect night for a lovely date at a pretty cheap fancy restaurant that actually has good food, yes.” Tad said, laughing a bit. “Good luck, try not to pick fights with not-single girls fawning over your looks.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll see you later asshole.” Bill said, and stomped out the door, hearing Tad yell: 'Go get em’ tiger!' as he left.

Bill sighed.

_It was going to be a long night._

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _


	2. Warning: No Picos Aloud!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill looked to the floor, watching as the two ahead of him stepped out of line. He knew it was his turn, so he picked up his yellow conversed foot, sliding up to the register, but when he looked up, he was pretty sure he now deserved the award for the most stupid face plastered on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really surprised by how many kudos this story got. I was expecting like three or four, but I have 72 of all things. Thank you all, it really means a lot to me. You are all very sweet, and all the comments I got are very sweet to, thank you.
> 
> I own nothing but the idea.
> 
> Everything and everybody is nothing but OOC prepare for very horrible writing.

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _

“How was work last night? Think it’s going to be fun tonight as well?”

“Ugh! Kill me now!”

Bill face planted onto the couch next to Tad, groaning rather loudly into the brown cushion. Tad tapped his phone screen a few times, before petting Bill’s short dark brown locks, and twirling a few stray blonde strands between his thumb and index finger. “That bad huh?” He asked as he used his free hand to scroll through his dashboard on tumblr.

Bill lifted up his head, knocking Tad’s hand aside, and he glared up at the raven haired. “Yes!” He plopped his face down once again, but this time turning it to the side, letting Tad sink his fingers back into his soft colored locks. “I almost picked a fight with two customers because their girlfriends wouldn’t stop gawking at me! And then this guy tried to hit on me after I finally got off work, and he called me the lamest name I’ve ever heard!”

“What was it?” Tad asked, locking his phone screen and looking down at Bill.

“He called me ‘Hipster Dick’. I feel like my brother could do better than that, and he’s too much of a sweet guy.” Bill responded as he gave a sigh, looking at the various anime posters littering the wall. He knew what a few were; he’s seen Tad watch them a few times. In order he could definitely pinpoint a ‘High School of the Dead’ poster, next to something called ‘Shuffle!’ and the last one was one that Bill personally would have to watch called ‘Nana’. He made a mental note to ask Tad about that one. He saw Tad actually crying a little for one of the Nanas. Bill couldn’t tell you which one for the life of him, he just knew that it was one of them.

Tad burst into laughter, and Bill followed behind. “R-Reminds me of my middle school years!” The male laughed out, and Bill was quick to agree like he had been there. They often agreed with the other regardless if they were there or not. It was just something that they both did with each other.

When their laughter had ceased, they sat in silence for quite a while. Tad had gone back to scrolling through his tumblr dash, spazzing a bit about his beloved ‘Mystery-Enthusiast’ and just other small things in general. Bill was starting to doze off in his uncomfortable position, until Tad finally tapped his head a bit getting his attention. “Hnn?” He asked tiredly.

“Don’t fall asleep; you have to be at your classes in an hour.” Bill groaned at this, knowing that a shower and clothes would be following close behind with this "tedious" task. “Also, did you ever see that kid all dolled up again?”

Bill made a face at that.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Just curious if you saw him around after work or something.” Tad explained, before squealing. In the manliest way, mind you.

Bill groaned. “It’s too early for you to fanboy!” He grunted, covering his ears.

Tad rolled his eyes. “Well I can’t help myself when my lovely Senpai was found in the area!” Tad said, getting up, and leaving Bill on the couch alone.

“Ugh, what are you doing?” Bill asked, finally sliding onto the couch correctly, and sitting up.

“I’m getting dressed, what else?” Tad replied.

Bill didn’t try to ask for any further information. He knew all too well what Tad was up to just from that last sentence. Bill took the time to pull out his Samsung, looking at the time. He had half an hour to get ready. He gave a long drawn out groan, forcing himself up off the couch, sluggishly making his way to the shower. Once he got into the bathroom, he saw Tad all dressed up in his black skinny jeans, black converse to match, and a white shirt with Rin from 'Ao No Exorcist' on the front. He needed to watch that anime, it looked really cool.

“Trying to tame the beast?” Bill questioned as he saw Tad pick up his hair brush, sliding the bristles through his black locks. Bill made his way to the tub, turning the water on to a decent temperature, (a beautiful steamy temperature) before undressing right in front of Tad and stepping in. It wasn’t like either of them cared, they both did it too much over the time they’ve come to know each other to.

Tad finally put the brush down. “Yep! And it seems that the world is on my side today.” He said, looking at himself smugly in the mirror, admiring how wonderful he looked.

“Good job. You should make yourself useful and hook up my blow dryer for me.” Bill responded, scrubbing shampoo into his hair, and rinsing it out. He decided to skip conditioner this time, and headed straight to washing his body,

“I’d be an ass, but I have places to be.” The shorter man said, quickly blugging in the blow dryer, then proceeding to grab his black satchel with Ichigo’s hollow form from the anime Bleach on it. “See ya later Bill!” He called, listening for the partial blonde's very tired and dull sounding ‘Bye’ before jumping out the front door and leaving the man alone in their shared dorm.

Once Bill got out of the shower, he let his mind wonder as he dried himself. He thought of the boy from yesterday, but his mind was focused on the boy's appearance. He wasn’t against gays or even trans people. Hell, he was gay himself. He had to admit that the kid did look adorable in his get up though. He wondered if one of his parents helped him with the makeup, because honestly, it was skillfully applied. He also noted that the makeup looked rather expensive along with his clothes. Why did he know this? As funny as it sounded, it was actually because of Tad. (The guy likes to cosplay here and there, and Bill just picked up on what was the good stuff to get since Tad was eager picky.) He played it off, however, as the kid coming from a well off family. 

Bill was quick to slide into his room, grabbing a pair of yellow boxers, and slip into a pair of pastel blue skinny jeans before making his way back to the bathroom to blow dry his hair. Once he finished with that simple task, he threw on a pink button up and a yellow bow tie along with his suspenders from just yesterday. He was in the middle of changing the hoop for his septum piercing when a thought struck him a little hard. 

That kid sounded a bit like an adult.

♡ ♡ ♡

The day passed by in a blur for Bill, and before he knew it he was leaving the campus and heading to Starbucks for an expensive cup of coffee. He had to work late tonight, and he knew for a fact that he was going to need it if he wanted to survive yet another day. 

It didn’t take him long to reach the coffee shop, and in no time he was striding up to the door, pulling it open, and standing in line. Bill decided in this moment to pull out his phone. He was willing to tap on his Facebook app and let himself get sucked in. However when he did hit the power button he saw a message from Tad. He smoothly slid his thumb across the screen, typing in his password, and looking at the text. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes a bit from the message.

_**From Tad: I didn’t find my Senpai :(** _

What did he expect? From Bill's knowledge, Tad's never seen the guy before. From what was known, he never posted any pictures of himself.

_**From Bill: What did you expect? You’ve never seen the guy before.** _

There. That was a bit cold, but Bill thought that Tad was a bit idiotic with small things like this, and learning that now is better than later. Though that didn't stop Bill from giving a sigh. He was exhausted, and he was pretty sure that nothing would wake him up. Well, besides this coffee of course.

Bill shoved his phone back into his pocket, his uninterest in the device growing, and he let himself show off what could be the most bored face that anyone has ever seen. He should get an award for feeling so fucking utterly bored with everything lately. Maybe he was destined to lead a boring life. His final act ends with him dying, and leading a lame life. Yep. Definitely how Bill Cipher wanted to go out. 

Bill looked to the floor, watching as the two ahead of him stepped out of line. He knew it was his turn, so he picked up his yellow conversed foot, sliding up to the register, but when he looked up he was pretty sure he now deserved the award for the most stupid face plastered on.

“It’s you!” he exclaimed, pointing to the kid from just yesterday. Bill took quick notice that he still did have rainbow highlights, but he didn’t wear any makeup at all. He could see bags under the kid’s eyes, and he could see his male side just a bit more.

The kid gave him a smile. “Yes sir, it’s me. Nice to see you again, how may I help you today?”

Bill’s face gave the smallest of blushes at the kid’s charming smile and the fact that he had been gaping at him like that. He straightened up, regaining his composure. “Just a mocha.” He said, the kid noddinh and keeping his sweet smile.

“Of course, coming right up sir!” 

Bill wondered if the kid enjoyed this job a bit too much, or if he was a master at the art of faking. But that just slipped his mind and the events from esterday plummeted right back into his skull.

“You were a girl yesterday.” He commented, and the kid gave a hum in agreement toward the man's comment. This kid acted like what Bill said was normal to him. This may have been to the kid if he was questioned enough on the subject. “Why are you a boy and working here? Aren’t you like, what? Ten? Twelve?”

The kid tapped his finger on his lips, humming again, before holding out his hand, which Bill understood as him wanting his payment for the coffee. Bill dug the money out of his pocket handing it over, and watching the kid stick it into the register, and handing him his change. This was when he spoke up again.

“I am gendfluid, which means that I go back and forth. Today, I am feeling my masculine side, and I’ll see how I feel tomorrow morning!” He waved his finger in front of Bill, before holding up a second. “I am working here because it is my part time job while I go to school. I’m a senior in college, and I need the money to live.”

Bill was doing perfectly fine until the last part of that sentence. He was completely caught off guard, and was soon handed a coffee and pushed aside by the next customer.

Bill slowly walked back to his car, almost crashing as he drove back to his dorm. He sipped his coffee here and there as he made his way toward his current home, and clumsily unlocking the door and walking inside. He plopped down next to Tad who was playing a different dating sim this time, and little ‘Nya’s could be heard from what sounded like a girl, but when he glanced over he saw a young looking boy in a cat costume, and Tad was rapidly poking the area where his dick would be and was earning something called “Suma”.

Bill was about to lose it. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing right now versus what he had heard just minutes before.

The squeal that the small boy on Tad’s game is what broke him.

“He’s a senior in college!” Bill exclaimed, and Tad gripped his phone for dear life.

“What the _hell man?!_ Who the fuck is a senior?” He asked as he relaxed, eyes scanning the screen to look for any unwanted pressed buttons on his game. He sighed in relief when he saw that everything was the same.

“That kid I saw yesterday!” Bill said, practically gulping some of his coffee down.

Tad grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Just don’t turn this into Boku no Pico, and I’ll be fine.”

“Boko no what?” Bill asked, but Tad waved him off.

“It’ll give you nightmares, don’t watch it.” Tad said, and Bill raised a brow, confused.

“Okay?” He said, but deciding not to linger too long on it. “But that’s not the point. The point is how something that is so little so much _older_ than me?” He questioned.

“Birth.” Tad responded, getting up, and rubbing his eye tiredly. “I’m gonna go to bed. Have a good night at work man. See you in the morning.” With that, Tad left the room and Bill didn’t stop him.

No Bill thought about the boy. It all made sense now, and Bill could see that he did indeed look like a small adult. It then occurred to him that he didn’t look at the guy's name tag.

Bill face palmed. “Shit.” 

_Another average day it seemed._

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _


	3. It Seems That The String That Connected Us Wants Us To Communicate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story progresses, Bill is a huge nerd, and Tad is seeing a mystery man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this a week ago, but then I got behind, so here it is. I apologize for everything, no one's in character, and this story is getting more cheesy by the second, but there is more to it than it seems. Just keep going. And thank you all for all the kudos and views it has. It is all very appreciated <3
> 
> Also Can any of you guess who Tad's mystery boyfriend is? 
> 
> You all can kill me later when you figure it out. Please let me live for now lol
> 
> I am so deep into anime, it's going to be all over the place. I own nothing but this story idea.

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _

“Oh gross! Don’t you have classes to be at or something? Go watch your porn there!”

“It’s not porn, it’s art!”

“Two animated guys have sex on a screen is porn no matter where it comes from Tad.”

“Go back into your...our...colorful hole from hell.”

“No can do. This guy has a date with coffee.”

“Well this guy has a date with a sexy Italian guy loving this Japanese guy and fucking him on the screen. Oh! And this can of Dr. Pepper.”

“…You do that.”

“Haha, I won this round!” Tad exclaimed, turning his anime called ‘Ikoku Irokoi Romantan’ up louder, letting moans fill the room.

Bill groaned a bit, deciding to march right back into his room and throw on the laziest pair of clothes that he could find. Today was his day off from both classes and his job, and by god he was going to enjoy it. Bill didn’t hesitate to grab a pair of grey sweats and throw on a yellow t-shirt, before throwing on a pair of random shoes that he didn’t bother to look at. He then grabbed his keys and he headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Tad asked as if he didn't already know what the partial blonde was up to. 

“To get coffee. I don’t know if I can stand listening to moaning for the next few hours.” Bill responded, opening the door.

“You’re just sexually frustrated; you’ll get over it when you go fuck somebody.” Tad mumbled the last part, Bill sending the black haired male a glare as he walked out.

He wasn’t sexually frustrated! Not everybody needed sex to be perfectly calm and relaxed. So what if he hasn’t exactly had a good fuck since…okay so he’s never really had sex before. But he did give that one guy a blow job a while back. That should still count as something, right?

He didn’t need to fuck anyone to relax. If Tad wants to go…do whoever it is he does that with, then he could. Bill could relax without sex!

Why did he feel like he was lying to himself?

Bill grunted, shaking his head a bit and pinching the bridge of his nose before dragging his hand down his face, finger tugging at his septum piercing a bit. The blonde made a face, flicking the piercing a bit, completely forgetting that it was even there. He probably looked like one of the most unattractive beings in the world because of it. However, this septum meant a lot to him. It was the result of his step foreword from his past demise. 

Bill sighed, getting into his car and deciding that a Starbucks coffee sounded pretty fucking amazing right now. Fuck how expensive it was, he wanted a coffee from there, and that’s just what he was going to get it. However all thoughts of Starbucks lead to thoughts of the same man who worked there. That man (who Bill decided to rename “Bright Colorful Child” until further notice) plagued his mind. Bright Colorful Child didn’t really seem like the type to want to work at a coffee shop, but who was he to judge? Bill was a waiter for pete's sake.

He had to admit, the guy had him fooled and it made him wonder just how many people he’s fooled. Did he use it to his advantage, or have people not wanted to really be with him because of how young he could look? Now that thought sounded really depressing. Bill cringed a bit at the thought. He couldn’t imagine being told off by his crush that they simply couldn’t be together because of how young he looked. What if the kid’s crushes have actually said they would be afraid of looking like a pedophile because of it?

That….actually kinda hurt a bit.

Bill shook his head. If that was the case, then the guy wouldn’t have looked so happy the other day, right?

Right?

….

Bill heard honking, and snapped out of his thoughts. When he finally observed his surroundings, he was in the turning lane to Starbucks, not realizing that he was just sitting there. He quickly turned into the parking lot, easily finding a space to park. He killed the ignition, but continued sitting in his car for a moment, thinking about the short man. Everyone has had to struggle through many things in life. Bill himself had to deal with people not accepting who he was, his sexuality, and a few other things. The moment he graduated, his parents pretty much kicked him out, telling him to not come back. It had hurt him at first, but when he started college Tad had helped him come around. The raven haired male meant a lot more to him than he let on.

When Bill finally did get out of the car, he locked it, and and began his slow stride into Starbucks, clearly in no hurry whatsoever. When he stepped through the door, he was actually rather surprised by the fact that no one was in line. Seems they just finished their early morning coffee rush. The partial blonde slowly made his way to the counter, deciding to just order yet another mocha. No regrets, just coffee.

When he did finally get up there, one of the employees called out, asking one of his co-workers, Bill assumed, to take his order. He let his tan fingers tap the counter as he waited patiently for this person to come up. When they did arrive, he blinked a few times, before sighing. “Hey kid.” He said and looked down at the one person he hadn’t expected to be taking his order.

“Good morning Sir, interesting to see you yet again. May I take your order?” Bright Colorful Child asked, and Bill couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of the situation. Clearly someone wanted them to interact. Nope. This was just a coincidence. Life really loves fucking with him. 

“Well, since it seems we’re going to keep running into each other, how about I give you my name, and my order.” Bill suggested, and Bright Colorful Kid gave him a look that Bill wasn’t sure was very appropriate for the situation. It looked a bit seductive, with a hint of playfulness, but he easily played it off. He held his hand out, giving his best charming smile. “Name’s Bill and I would like a mocha please.”

“Nice to meet you, Bill.” The way Bright Colorful Kid said his name made Bill shiver a bit. “And one mocha coming up.” AAAAAAnnnnnd then Bright Colorful Child turned away to make his drink. Bill was left to stand there a bit awkwardly. He always found waiting one of the most awkward displays he’s ever had to do. He wasn’t completely sure why, but it was. The wait wasn't long, however, and Bright Colorful Child was giving him his drink. 

“Thanks kid!” He said, handing over his change, and taking a sip.

“My name’s not kid.” Bright Colorful Child said, giving a slight pout.

“Then what are you? You haven’t told me your name, and you look like a small child. I’m going to call you ‘kid’ unless you tell me.” Bill responded, smirking.

The hurt look in Bright Colorful Child’s eyes caused hia smirk to fade a bit, but as fast as the look was there, it was gone, and the man was just pouting at him.

“My name’s Dipper, not kid, now use it.” Bri- Dipper. Dipper said, putting the change into the register, handing Bill his change.

Bill pocketed the money, smirk back at full blast. “Dipper eh? Is there a reason for this peculiar name? Sounds like your parents are obsessed with outer space.” Bill teased.

Dipper scoffed. “The only one around here obsessed with outer space is you.” He pointed at Bill’s shoes. Bill looked down at his feet, noticing that he had slid on his space themed high tops. “This is what, the third time you’ve worn something with an outer space themed thing on it? Three days in a row! Don’t think I wasn’t paying attention.”

Bill gave a high cackle, hand slapping his thigh. He looked back to Dipper, pointing at him. “Nice catch kid, I am obsessed! But this was a mere mistake. I simply grabbed a pair of shoes before I left, so this doesn’t count.”

“Hmph, if you say so.” Dipper says, making a face at Bill.

Bill was about to respond with some smart comment, but was cut off before he could even start by one of Dipper’s managers telling him to get back to work. Dipper gave a panicked look, hands gripping his uniform a bit, and he let out a panicked “Yes Sir!” before waving to Bill. “See ya Bill; it was nice to meet you.” Dipper stated as he walked off.

“You too short stack!” Bill said and a smirking staying on his face at the glare Dipper had given him.

Bill then proceeded to walk out, drinking his coffee and enjoying the taste, but that was bedore he got a good look at something in marker sprawled across the cup. He held his cup straight, looking at the nice handwriting.

_‘If you ever want to hang, just shoot me a text._

_P.S. You need to bleach your hair again, it looks really tacky.  
-Dipper’ _

That short asshole! His hair was one of the most beautiful things he's ever had done!

….Okay so maybe he needed to re-bleach his bangs again, but the kid didn’t need to point that out!

Bill let out a frustrated grunt, before realizing that there was more on the cup, and that Dipper dots his eyes with small hearts. That was rather cute. But he could think about that later, right now there was a phone number below the message on his cup. That meant the number was an invitation to just text him even if he didn’t want to hang, right?

Bill got into his car, setting his drink in a cup holder, putting his key into ignition, and starting it up. Would it be wrong to just outright text Dipper regardless if he wanted to hang with the guy? He didn’t think so…The guy wouldn’t have just given Bill his number without the risk of Bill just texting him to chat right?

It ate at Bill. The answer should have been obvious, but he really didn’t know what to do, it wasn’t like people left and right were giving him their numbers. This is the first time someone has even given him their number. Normally everyone kept him as someone they talked to at one place. The only number that he sported in his contacts besides his brother was Tad, as sad as that was. But even then, Bill forced the guy to put his number in. Bill didn’t have good experiences with texting, but he did try to text Tad here and there, and Tad did respond, so it wasn’t like he disliked talking to him. Bill sighed. Who was he kidding; he was the biggest loser back in high school. He grew up in a small town, and nearly the entire town was full religious assholes who, more than once, berated him for who he was. The gods cursed him when his mom became pregnant with him. He could have lived somewhere where his family accepted him, but no, he got stuck with a religious family that kicked him out after high school. Granted he did wait to tell them until he graduated, and he was rather proud of himself. He couldn’t imagine trying to get through school if he had told them earlier. His parents even admitted to the idea of kicking him out even if he was still in high school, because they didn’t want him “tainting” his brother.

The drive back to his dorm room was a very quiet one.

♡ ♡ ♡

When Bill got back inside, what he saw didn’t prepare him for the fact that wow, just how big was Tad's mouth? This guy that Tad was deep throating looked to have a pretty big dick, and that was saying something since Bill was pretty blessed himself. Bill didn’t know the guy that was pushing Tad’s head down. He had never met the guy, nor had he ever heard or seen him, but there he was, his dick stroking the back of his roommate's throat, probably on the verge of cumming before Bill just so happened to walk in. When they both seemed to realize that Bill was standing there, Tad quickly pulled off the mystery guy’s dick, running his hands over his beloved shirt with the characters of some hentai called ‘Popotan’ on it, and he wiped his mouth. 

“Hey Bill.”

Bill looked at his roommate, his gaze intense. Out of anything Tad could say, he decided that it was a hello?

Bill sighed. It was only the beginning of the day and it was already one of the weirdest days he’s ever had. He supposed he had it coming though. Since when had his life ever been completely normal? “Hey Tad.” He had finally responded to his rather embarrassed looking roommate.

Bill looked at the guy that Tad had just been sucking off mere moments before. He looked handsome, but not really Bill’s type. He was obviously fit, had muscles, black and white hair with small pink streaks in the white, green eyes, and he was a lot darker than Bill. Where did Tad even find this guy?

“I’m sorry, I’ll just…” Bill began to make his way back to his room, choosing not to say anything more about what he had just seen, and go make use of his lap top and drink his coffee. 

When he finally closed the door, he sat his drink down on his bedside table, opening his laptop and starting it up. That was when he heard Tad apologizing at a rather fast rate, and saying a name he couldn’t quite make out. Bill stood by the door, ready to defend his roommate if needed, but all went silent, and a deep voice started up, seeming to reassure Tad, because next his roommate exclaimed that they should watch an anime called ‘Durarara!’ together because “No one is complete if they haven’t watched all of it!” is what Tad says to him. That was followed by the deep voice that Bill realized was the man that Tad was sucking off a bit ago, telling Tad that he would watch a few, but also wanted to start an anime called ‘Tokyo Ghoul’ and Tad gave one of the best excited screams that he had ever heard.

It only occurred to Bill that this was probably the guy that Tad had been seeing whenever he said he had to “go out”. He began to wonder why Tad hadn’t really told him about the guy, but then again Tad had all right to not tell him.

Bill sat back down on his bed, deciding to finish up season four of American Horror Story. Freak Show was really proving to be very interesting so far, and he was excited to get to Season 5 when it came out on Netflix. He was still curious about this man in their dorm, but he would just ask Tad about it later. And if Tad would rather not talk about it, he would respect it. He could understand.

For now, he would enjoy the cool looking people that were a part of the Freak Show.

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _


	4. Tad's Boyfriend Is A Shape Shifter?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tad sets Bill up on a "date" with Dipper, and Bill meet Tad's very intimidating boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this earlier in the week. I had it like almost done, but then school attacked me, I am so sorry. But here it is, all done, and I will probably have to fix some more things on it tomorrow because I am tired. I apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> Also I would love to thank straybunnyalois for making fanart for the story. Your art is adorable, thank you so much for the wonderful piece! <3 Here is a link to the picture-> http://straybunnyalois.tumblr.com/post/132675196028/straybunnyalois-hey-guys-guess-who-is-back-to
> 
> I'm so sorry, I don''t know how to link things, forgive me. If anyone knows, feel free to tell, me.
> 
> Also Lame chapter, more slow building. If you all approve of this horrible ship I have created, then I will make a side story about Tad and his BF. They cute, I promise. Like it's cute shit.
> 
> ....My mind has brought the deepest parts of hell, forgive me...

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _

Bill spent the remainder of the day watching his beautiful show, deciding to leave the last three episodes for another day, because damn did he need a break. He decided to just shut off his computer completely, grab his phone, and head out to the living room. He only stopped when he reached the door, remembering what had happened earlier. That was more of his roommate than he wanted to see.

Bill sighed, giving a long stretch and popping his bones before letting his arms fall. He then proceeded let himself hunch his shoulders and grunt. He couldn’t just avoid Tad that would make everything awkward for them both. Bill took a deep breath, stepping out, only to find Tad alone on the couch, scrolling through something. Tumblr probably.

“Hey Bill.” Tad said, locking his phone and looking up at the blonde.

“Uh, hey Tad. What’s up?” This was already starting to get awkward.

Tad grunted, taking a sip of his soda. “Nothing.” He said, launching a full scale of awkward upon them both. They both were engulfed in silence, the awkward air around them as thick as oil or syrup. They stayed like this for a good five minutes, before Tad took the initiative to speak up. “About earlier-“ He started, but Bill didn’t let him finish.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Bill said, and Tad pursed his lips.

“I should have told you about him.”

Bill looked down at the raven haired male, not really sure what to say. He blinked a few times, before holding a hand up. “No, no, it’s okay. It’s your life; you have all right to tell me only what you want to tell me.”

Tad sighed, raising a brow at Bill. “Cipher…” He started, and couldn’t help but smile a bit at Bill’s chuckling. Tad rolled his eyes, smile widening. “His name is Orson.” Tad said, and Bill raised a brow. Tad grunted at the male. “Don’t make fun of the name; his mom gave it to him. He cared about her deeply.” He said, getting right back on his phone.

“I wasn’t!” Bill lied, but continued. “I’m happy for you two. How long have you both been dating?”

“About four months now.” Tad said, pride filling him.

“Mhm, I knew something was up, I just didn’t know what.” Bill said, crossing his arms, and sitting next to Tad on the couch.

“Sure you did~” Tad cooed, but still smiled to himself. He was typing furiously on his keyboard.

“Yeah…so where did you two meet?” Bill asked.

“Remember how my laptop got fried? Well he works at that place that fixes stuff like that. He fixed my laptop, and asked me out for a coffee~” Tad said, remembering everything like it was yesterday.

“Wow, sounds so romantic. I definitely wanna get asked by some hunk to get coffee, doesn’t sound weird at all. My dreams right the fuck there.” Bill said sarcastically, and Tad hit his arm, pouting.

“It’s not weird! He has a way with words.” Tad said, locking his phone and crossing his arms.

“My first thought would have been stranger danger, just saying.” Bill said, holding his hands up in defense.

Tad’s face softened at that. “That was my first thought, yeah.” He admitted, remembering all that he said to Orson when he first met him. “I told him off so many times…”

Bill patted his arm. “It’s okay to give in to love sometimes. I’m happy for you both.”

Tad smiled warmly at Bill. “Thank you, Bill.”

Bill sighed. “Now that that’s out of the way, how the hell do you text a Starbucks barista?” He questioned, and Tad let out a laugh.

“What? Why would you do that?” Tad asked, confusion in his voice.

“Dipper, that kid who dresses like a girl sometimes, gave me his number. What do I do with it? He said it was for when we wanted to hang out, but what if I don’t want to hang and just want to chat?” he asked.

Tad snorted. “When you give someone your number, the risk is someone contacting you outside of hanging out. I’m sure he knew that when he gave _you_ the number.”

“Don’t put an emphasis there, you asshole! I’m a great person to talk to!” Bill exclaimed and put a hand to his chest offended, but frowned. “What if I annoy him?”

"Just send him a hello and see what happens." Tad said, scrolling through his tumblr, not looking at Bill's nervous face. 

Bill didn't even understand why he was so nervous. It was just a text. He had nothing to worry about, Dipper wouldn't harass him for sending a message, and Dipper wasn't out to trick him. It was all perfectly fine. 

Bill pulled out his phone, pulling up his messages and hitting the 'New Message' button. He then typed in Dipper's name, and tapped it. The thing blinked, waiting for him to write something, anything. 

Bill swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. He was more nervous about this than he should be. It was just a simple message! He was Bill Motherfucking Cipher, asshole hipster extraordinaire! What did he have to be scared of in a message? It was Dippers fault for wanting to give him his number after all. 

That was all the confidence that Bill needed, because he was quick to send a message. It was a simple 'Hey, it's Bill.' And he patiently waited for a response. His phone didn't take long to let out his text tone, and when he opened the message, he wondered what the fuck Dipper had sent him with his response. 

_**Dipper: Hey Bill! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°** _

What the actual fuck? What? 

Bill's face showed so much confusion that it drew Tad's attention. 

"What's wrong?" He asked cocking an eyebrow. 

"What the hell is this?" He asked, showing Tad his phone. Tad took his phone, looking at his with a bored face before handing it back to the blonde. 

"It's a happy face." He said, and Bill made a face. 

"What? How do I not know of this?" He asked. 

"It's...you know what? You're on your own. I'm turning in for the night." He said, and to state his point he flat out left to his room, closing the door behind him. 

Bill glared at the door Tad disappeared behind, before giving his phone more attention. How do you chat with people on a phone? Was it like talking in real life? Probably. 

_**Bill: Haha, what's up kid?** _

The response was fast. In fact they seemed to just go back and forth at a rather quick pace. They had spent the rest of the day talking about anime. Though Dipper was the one who mostly talked about it since Bill didn't know many. By the time they both turned in for the night, Bill had promised the kid that he would watch a list of anime that was given to him by Dipper, and he had promised the short male that he would try reading yaoi manga. Dipper said it would satisfy him more than he thought. He wasn't sure what to think, but rolled with it. 

♡ ♡ ♡

Over the course of the next several days, the number one thing that Bill looked forward to was talking to Dipper. They both sent each other good mornings, good nights, and always chit chatted about this or that. By the start of the second week of texting each other, Tad punched Bill's arm a bit too roughly, and grabbed Bill's phone. 

"Ow! What the fuck?" He said, rubbing his arm.

"He lives in town, right? Why don't you go out and hang with him instead of texting! I’m so sick and tired of hearing the Twilight Zone theme go off!" Tad said, and began to type something into Bill's phone. 

Bill tried to get his phone back by leaning over Tad and grab it, but the shorter man managed to keep it out of his grasp as he typed. When he did get it back, Tad gave a laugh of accomplishment. 

"There! Now you have no choice but to go!" Tad exclaimed, watching Bill's face fall. 

"What the hell! It's my day off man, no fair!" Bill whined, looking at the message. 

_**Bill: Hey, would you want to go out together to that cute little cake shop today? I'll pay~ ;******* _

"Tad you dick why did you put a kiss face?" Bill asked, glaring at the black haired male. 

"Well you guys talk so much that you may as well be dating! Now hurry, go, my hunky bae will be coming over soon, and I need to spiffy up." Tad sad, already fixing his hair by using his phone screen. He stopped when his face lit up a bit. "Seems that he's already almost here. Answer the door when he gets here, I'll be a moment." He said, and with that he made his way to his room, and Bill could hear the small banging noises of drawers. It was then that Bill's phone went off. 

Bill feared what Dipper may think of the kisses, but was more unsure than anything when he read the text. 

_**Dipper: Sounds perfect~ See you in an hour? ( ˘ ³˘) ♡** _

It didn't take a genius to figure out that that emoji was a kissy face. Bill could feel a small blush dusting his face. This kid...

He was interrupted from his thoughts at a sharp knock to the door. He stiffened a bit, but quickly opened the door, and revealing a tall black male. Bill recognized him as Tad's boyfriend, but only now was getting a good look at him. His green eyes seemed to pierce through him, and he noticed the man had dread locks, and the white and pink highlights stood out really well through his black hair. He was buff and had very sharp features. He was three inches taller than Bill, and wow, Tad looked like the last person this man would date.

The male extended his large hand, and Bill took a hold of it, and stiffened. When he looked down he noticed that the man's hand was shaped like a human crab claw. He's heard of this, but could not think of the name to save his life. But oh god, he was staring. This man looked like he could beat him up-

"It's a birth defect I have on both hands called Ectrodactyly. I got it from my mother." The man's deep voice seemed to flow into his skull, and make him stiffen more. "But nice to formally meet you, my name is Orson Wendigo, I am Tad's boyfriend." 

Wendigo, like as something that takes on human characteristics? What?

"Uh, n-names Bill Cipher! Nice to meet you Orson!" Bill finally released his hand, letting the man step inside. 

Orson wasn't much for clothes it seemed. He sported a black short sleeve v-neck, showing off his muscles, with grey jeans, and work boots. 

His eyes flashed back to the man's hands, realizing that they reminded him of Jimmy from American Horror Story: Freak show...huh, what a coincidence that he'd actually see this in person...

"Babe, you're here early!" Tad exclaimed as he burst through the door, jumping into the large man's arms. Bill could see Orson's face soften for Tad, and the smallest of smiles appear on his face. 

Orson may be large and intimidating, but it was obvious that he had a soft spot for Tad. Bill felt a bit jealous that Tad managed to find someone so easily, but the happiness outweighed the jealousy. 

"Alright you love birds, don't get all naughty just yet! I still have to get ready to leave." Bill said, and Tad snorted. 

"Yeah to go on the date I set up for you." The black haired male stated, and Bill rolled his eyes. 

"It's not a date." He said and walked away, closing the door. 

Now to begin the task of getting ready. But that was a hard task to accomplish when you had no idea what to even wear. 

Bill dug into his closet, looking through everything he owned, but couldn't decide what he wanted to wear. He bit his lip in thought, before remembering he never responded to Dipper's text. He quickly picked up his phone, unlocked it, and began to type in his reply. 

_**Bill: Yeah, see you.** _

That was by far the lamest thing he's ever said. But right now he had half an hour to get ready. But it was then that it clicked! Dipper said he liked his space pants! He could wear those and...Ah! His black button up!

Bill quickly grabbed the two items, slipping them on, and grabbing a royal purple vest. He then grabbed his space themed do bow tie and slipped that on as well. He went to examine himself in his full body mirror and smiled at himself. He looked hot, not to brag about himself though hahaha!

Though, something was missing...

Bill looked at his appearance a bit more, before snapping his fingers. Of course! He wasn't wearing his golden triangle earrings, that’s what he was missing. He was quick to slide them in, fixing his septum piercing, put on his yellow converse, and slip out the door, grabbing his keys on the way. 

"I'm off!" He said, making his way out the door. 

"Remember to use a condom!" Tad blurted out, and well, there goes a bit of his good mood. 

He flipped Tad off as he made his way out the door. If there was one thing he was going to do, it was making sure this date- FUCK ITS NOT A DATE!

This hang out will go well. Everything will be fine. It was just two friends hanging out and having treats, nothing more, nothing less.

_Right?_ _**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!**_


	5. Yeah, I'll Let You Set The Pace 'Cause I'm Not Thinking Straight My Head's Spinning Around I can't See Clear No More What Are You Waiting For?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper can't think of what to wear, and Bill is an awkward cinnamon roll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to everyone that reads this, I meant to post this chapter earlier, but I got so busy with school ;-; I'm so sorry. I will try my best to update once a week like I had been doing before, I will put my heart and soul into doing it for all of you!
> 
> Also Here is what Dipper is wearing for their so called 'get together'
> 
> His dress- http://enchantedmemories.tumblr.com/post/118494488802/cute-little-blue-dress-3
> 
> His accessories- http://cdn3.volusion.com/hnzvm.gtepb/v/vspfiles/photos/JS-1360-BL-2.jpg?1444737882
> 
> His head piece- http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=521531
> 
> His shoes- http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/5py6or-l-610x610-shoes-wedges-high+heels-black+wedges-coat.jpg
> 
> Also welcome to the chapter of one to many emphasis, and I got the title of this chapter from 'Love Me Like You Do' By:Ellie Goulding. Expect more lyics from the song at a later date hahahahaaaaaa.
> 
> And I making a playlist for this story, would any of you listen to it if I did?

**_C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!_**

 

“So to narrow it down, you’re going on a date with this Bill person, and you don’t know what to wear?”

“Yes! Do I dress in my regular clothes and be casual, or do I go all out?”

“Well, all out obviously bro-bro! You have to drag him in, and when he’s not expecting it…leap in for the kill!”

“Maybe we should just go slowly and just chit chat, and possibly go to a place or two.”

“Pshhhh! Laaaaammmme!”

Dipper sighed, rolling his eyes, but giving a large smile. Mabel always knew how to calm his nerves, even if she was eight hours away attending a fashion design college. The both of them tended to call each other almost every day, always eager to tell each other what was new or the latest gossip in their area. Though they were both nervous about attending different colleges, they made it work. They were as close as ever, and nothing could sever their bond at this point.

Dipper hummed a bit, looking through the piles of clothes that he had, and Mabel could already hear the distress in his voice. She cleared her throat, voice muffling through Dipper’s computer speakers and causing Dipper to drop a t-shirt that he had grabbed. “Ah, u-uhm, yes?” Dipper said, turning to his computer that held skype up, his sister giving him a serious look, before giggling.

“Grab that black skirt…no, no, grab that cute frilly blue dress there.” Mabel said, pride filling her as she watched Dipper pick up the dress, face lighting up. Dipper then proceeded to walk out of view of the camera, about to slip the blue garment on. But he stopped, looking down at the dress for a moment.

“Hey, Mabel?” He said as he leaned over, face coming into view along with his shoulders.

“What’s the matter? Did something rip?” She asked, resting her face in her hands.

“No, but I have an awkward question…” Dipper said, looking down. He didn’t know why this embarrassed him, but it did. This was a normal thing they both asked each other sometimes, as weird as that sounded.

“What’s up?” She asked, waiting for him to answer.

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck, face a slight pink as he looked away. “Should I…you know…change, uh…panties?” He asked, face getting darker.

“I wouldn’t see why not, the nicer you smell the better right?” She said, and Dipper brightened up instantly, giving a nod. He quickly opened his top drawer, pulling out a pair or yellow lace panties, and walking back over out of view of the camera. That was when he heard Mabel giggling. “Do you plan on getting laid on the first date bro-bro~?” She cooed, and Dipper turned scarlet.

“No!” He said, huffing as he pulled his shorts and pink panties off, and quickly pulling on the yellow lace panties. He then chucked off his red t-shirt, and quickly slid on the blue dress, walking in view of the camera again. “How do I look?” He asked, putting his hands on his hips.

Mabel let out a squeal. “Ahhh! Dipper, you look so adorable!” She exclaimed, and Dipper blushed a bright red, but smiled.

“I’m not adorable.” He said, and turned to his mirror, picking up his foundation. “What kind of shoes should I wear?” He asked as he applied the foundation, and soon putting mascara, eyeliner, and powder on.

“Awww, look at you, getting all spiffied up for a date~” She cooed, and Dipper scoffed.

“I told you, it’s not a date. It’s just two dudes hanging out with each other, and chatting about girls or-“

“Or guys. You’re not exactly straight. Is this guy gay? I hope he’s gay, you haven’t tried dating since-“

“Mabel!” Dipper called a bit loudly, causing his sister to flinch. Dipper sighed, spraying his hair a bit with hairspray, and putting his hand under it and pushing it up in an attempt to make it look a bit poofier. He then let himself apply a bit of pink lip gloss. “Sorry,” He began, papping his lips together. “I’m just really nervous.” He said, and Mabel rolled her eyes.

“Bro-Bro, it’s okay to be nervous, but if you don’t loosen up, it’ll be awkward for the both of you.” She said, crossing her arms. “And wear those black wedges for shoes.” She said, answering his earlier question. Dipper chuckled a bit, slipping on matching earrings, bracelet, and necklace. They were all black beads with white jewels.

“Okay, I trust your judgement on clothing.” He joked, grabbing the close toed black wedges with bows on the ankle. Dipper than walked back to the mirror, trying to poof up his hair a bit more, and he could hear his sister giggling in the background. He put his hands on his hips once again, turning back to her. “What’s so funny now?” He questioned.

“You sure this isn’t a date?” She teased, and Dipper scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Okay, I’m guilty! I sorta wish it was a date.” He said, cheeks going red.

“Awwww! Maybe if he actually turns out to be into guys, then maybe you two could try going steady at some point if you like each other.” Mabel said, giving Dipper a big smile that was completely contagious, and Dipper soon mirrored it back.

“Thanks, Mabel.” He said, going to his computer, and bending down to its level to check the time on the computer. “I should probably get going. Thanks for your help Sis.” He said.

Mabel gave a solute. “No problem Dip Dop! Good luck with your friendly hang out.” She said, and quickly added “Oh! Wear that black rose in your hair. Okay, bye!” And with that she hung up.

Dipper chuckled, and closed the face of his laptop, turning back to his dresser and grabbing said flower, and clipping it into his hair. He gave himself a look over in the mirror, and gave a satisfied smile. He quickly grabbed his small purse that had Kaneki from Tokyo Ghoul on the front of it, his car keys, and he headed out to the small cake shop.

_♡ ♡ ♡_

When Bill had arrived at the cake shop, formally known as ‘La Cake’, he was nervous to say the least. He didn’t understand why he was so nervous; it was just two friends going out to eat, what was there to worry about, right?

...Did he dress a little too fancy? What if he gave Dipper the wrong impression with his clothes? But then again, would the male really be _all_ that upset with how he looked? He wouldn’t, but Bill’s nerves were winning him over at the moment.

Bill wiped his sweaty palms across his galaxy printed skinny jeans. He lifted a tan hand to wipe his forehead, and entertained himself by swishing his septum piercing back and forth. God, he was willing to admit it now. This whole ordeal had him sweating like crazy, and he was sure he looked a bit messy now. He hadn’t been this nervous since he gave a speech in front of all of his classmates back in middle school. Granted, this *was* an entirely different ordeal, but that didn’t change the fact that he was sweating just as much.

Bill cleared his throat, his index finger sliding into the neck of his button up, and giving a small tug, but realizing that his bow tie suppressed the tug. He sighed, papping the side of his red cheek. What was taking Dipper so long? He wasn’t sure how long he could sit here without having to excuse himself to go to the bathroom and puke from how sick his stomach felt. Speaking of which, he could feel the vomit trying so hard to come up now. Bill swallowed, and swung his legs out of the small booth, ready to head to the bathroom, when the door opened. Bill listened as one of the waitresses called out the usual ‘Welcome to La Cake!’ as he looked over at the door. If Bill thought that he was over dressed, then boy, Dipper was right up there with him.

Bill’s golden eyes roamed over the makeup neatly placed onto Dipper’s soft, beautiful, round face. He noted that his fluffy, brown and rainbow streaked hair complimented not only his face, but his dress as well. The soft blue suited the boy more than it should, showing off his short skinny legs, giving display to the amount of small freckles that splattered across them, and finishing off with the rather tall stilettos he has on his small feet, making him just a bit taller. The accessories he wore hung on him nicely, and perfectly matched the black lace flower, but what Bill *really* noticed, was the air of confidence that Dipper had around him as he walked in. As if he was letting everyone know that not only was he a man in a dress, but he gave no fucks if anyone disapproved, and Bill wanted some of that confidence to rub off on him.

Time seemed to slow down for Bill as he watched the short man walk over, easily sliding into the seat across from Bill’s. Dipper looked up at Bill, batting his long eyelashes a bit, and giving him this most _beautiful and sincere_ smile that the blonde had ever witnessed.

“Hey, Bill. Sorry I’m late; I had some school work to finish.”

Bill remained silent, eyes staring intently at the male in front of him.

No one should be _this_ beautiful, it was unholy.

There was hot, which is what Bill himself was normally called, but it could _never_ beat the word beautiful. Dipper wasn’t hot, he wasn’t cute, he was just so _beautiful_ and Bill was lost in it all, not even processing anything Dipper had even said.

This of course, made Dipper flat out _nervous_. Had he overdressed? Should he have stuck to the pair of shorts and t-shirt that he was originally planning to wear? Then again Bill was a bit dressed up himself, the dress couldn’t be too bad, could it? Did Bill in all reality find this whole thing a bit tedious and just asked because he promised Dipper that he would hang with him? What if the blonde didn’t actually want his number and he was just being nice?

Bill didn’t seem like the type to even do that to begin with, and with how much they had talked about, he seemed to enjoy their conversations, so what was wrong?

“Bill?” Dipper managed to get out, brown eyes staring into gold that he could tell were filled with so much emotion, that it made Dipper just a bit more nervous.

When Bill eventually let out an awkward laugh, he rubbed the back of his head. “Haha, uh, n-no, no , uh, y-you’re okay, I just, I was worried that maybe I had over dressed for our get together.” The blonde stuttered out. What was wrong with him? He never stuttered like this.

Dipper blinked a couple of times, weight being lifted off of his shoulders, and he couldn’t stop himself from physically slumping a bit. “You to? I thought I was the only one.” He admitted, and Bill gave him a shy toothy smile.

“You were worrying about the same thing?” Bill said, and scoffed, face palming, and giving another laugh. “Oh god, it feels like high school all over again. Awkward first dates-I, I uh- I mean get togethers!”

Bill was mentally freaking out. Whatever Tad had started was affecting him in ways it shouldn’t be, and he just _had_ to say date. He was sure that Dipper was going to feel all kinds of awkward, but was trying to be nice enough and not show it. God, where had all of this awkward even come from? He didn’t have this in high school so why did it come up now? Some god that existed was probably just being an asshole, and having fun. Well the fucker better have fun while it lasts, because Bill was desperately fighting to be cool right now, and he wouldn’t give up.

Dipper screamed on the inside, excitement filling him, but he managed to keep it at bay, and give Bill a small giggle, hand covering his mouth. “Do you want this to be a date, Bill? We can go on dates with each other all the time if that’s what you want.” The brunette cooed, watching Bill’s face turn a shade darker, and he could see that it had slid to his ears and down his neck. He had to admit, the man looked rather adorable all flustered.

Bill’s brain was a _mess_. All of the small Bill’s inside his head couldn’t keep his brain in order, and everything was on fire and cluttered or broken. Had he heard that right? Had Dipper just asked him if he wanted to always go on dates with him? Oh god, he wasn’t sure if he was mentally ready to call them that. “I-I-uh, w-well y-you see,” He stuttered out, licking his lips. Would it be so bad to call them dates? His brother Will use to go out with a friend all dressed up and they called them dates, but they were more like friend dates. Maybe this applied the same way? “S-Sure, I would like them to be- i-if you want to that is. I mean, you probably are just being nice and want to make me happy. But oh, someone as beauty- I mean good looking as you _surely_ has a partner, right?”

Dipper hummed a bit, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “No, I can’t say that I am taken. I’m more like stuck in the group of friend zoned singles.” Dipper said, other hand tapping his leg. “Since I’m living the single life, I’m aloud to call things whatever I want.”

So maybe the god punishing him was actually trying to help him.

Wait no! What is he thinking? Well, his mind _is_ a mess after all. This shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did. Bill needed to get a grip! He needed to be confident, and actually get this little ordeal started!

“Haha, sounds like a plan to me!” he began, raising his hand and waving down a waitress. “Let’s uh go ahead and order since we’re both here.” He said. 

The two of them easily decided on what they want, and they were soon both left with a single slice of cake and tea at their booth. This was the start that Bill needed to function like a normal human being once again. Bill took a few small bites from his lemon cake, clearing his throat to get Dipper’s attention. Of course when he did look, the brunette just _had_ to give him this innocent look. Bill felt awkward all over again, but he cleared his throat once again, and smiled down at the male. “What do you like to do in your free time? You have to have a more exciting life out of saving everyone’s life as a Starbucks barista. Spill the beans.” Bill said, watching Dipper blush a bit and move around in his seat.

Dipper took a quick bite from his chocolate cake, and sipped at his tea. “Uh, well, I don’t do much. I mostly draw and post a lot on tumblr.” He admitted.

When Dipper watched Bill’s eyes light up, he couldn’t help but think of how heavenly he looked. 

“My roommate, Tad, uses the same website. He’s always on it and scrolling through his dash, and squealing about his ‘Senpai’ or whatever.” Bill said, chuckling.

Dipper couldn’t help but giggle. The comment reminded him of some of his adorable followers. “Everyone tends to call me that a lot. Maybe we’re following each other, you should ask him sometime.”

“Oh, do you want his tumblr name? I can give it to you real quick and tell him about it when I get back.” Bill commented, and Dipper lit up a bit, pulling out his phone, and pulling up his tumblr, seeing all of his notifications. Bill let out a breathy chuckle at Dipper’s eagerness to have his roommate’s tumblr. There was more to it, but he didn’t know all of the secrets. 

Once Dipper was ready, Bill made sure to speak clearly so that he could be understood. “It’s BreadLover. It has a picture of him doing the peace sign, or something like that.” Bill commented, and Dipper easily pulled up the account, hitting the ‘follow’ button. He then proceeded to put his phone away, smiling up at the blonde. Bill melted under that smile, and he couldn’t stop the love struck expression sliding onto his face. 

This man was doing things to him. Things he had never before experienced in his life, but he wasn’t about to let go of it either. Bill Cipher has been through hell and back growing up, and he couldn’t really say he was living the good life, but so far getting accepted into college, moving to this town, getting a job, and meeting Tad had all been worth it. He knew that he would be in debt for a while with student loans, but he would get them all payed soon. His brother was even there for him. Sure Will was the only actual family that still talked to him, but that sweet darling man was all he needed. 

He had to admit, Dipper was a pretty cool addition to his life so far. He was eager to see where this friendship led. It all seemed to be leading in the right direction, but right directions can have their downfalls.

_♡ ♡ ♡_

The date went about rather casually. Both Dipper and Bill had easily slipped into a groove of talking to each other about various topics, and had learned a lot about each other. Bill wasn’t expecting his entire life story yet, but he felt accomplished with what he had learned. The two had even scheduled to hang out again. Bill suggested that Dipper come over to his dorm room and meet his roommate. He insisted that they would get along rather well with their similar interests, and Dipper was quick to say the same about Bill and his twin sister. Dipper having a twin was something that had actually surprised Bill at first, but was an easy topic to discuss since he had a twin of his own. All in all, it was the best time that Bill had ever had, and Dipper put it on his list of amazing things that he’s done. Somewhere deep in the crevices of Bill’s mind, Bill was happy that he was able to up so many things Dipper has done, or people that he’s met.

“So, did you drive here, or walk?” Bill asked as they walked out, offering his arm to Dipper, who had giggled, and accepted the arm.

“Oh, did Bill here want to drive me home? How sweet.” Dipper easily commented, causing Bill’s ears to tint a pink color.

“W-Well, you see, I was just offering because-“

“Because you are a gentleman?” Dipper said, cutting him off.

Bill let out a small frustrated sigh. “Uh huh.” 

Dipper rolled his eyes, smile never fading. “Maybe next time.” He promised. He loved the way Bill’s face blushed just a bit more.

“Yeah, sounds good! Uh, yeah, next time.” The blonde said.

“Next time.” Dipper said stopping, which caused Bill to trip a bit. The man was confused at the sudden stop, but easily understood once Dipper began to pull out his keys, and unlock his door. “See ya later Bill.” He said, and opened the door.

“See ya short stack!” Bill mocked, playfully punching the brunette’s arm. Dipper was quick to huff, punching Bill’s arms back, and sticking his tongue out at the male when Bill had laughed at the weak punch.

 

But as Dipper left La Cake’s parking lot, he smiled and waved at Bill as he left.

 

He had a good feeling about that tall awkward man.

 

**_C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!_**


	6. Detox Just to Retox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill's past peaks its horrid, ugly head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been busy. A lot has happened. I have another job so now I'm even more busy then I was, but good news I am writing the chapters for this story like there's no tomorrow, so yay more updating! I have the next chapter almost finished, and may post it later tonight, and if not later tonight then hopefully late tomorrow. Also I've been going back and re-reading the entire story and I have been fixing a lot of mistakes, so if any of you can remember a lot of the story, well, there's a bunch of different bullshit. Granted it's not needed to re-read the entire thing, but if no one knows what Bill looks like, well then you may want to. Along with Tad because I explain more of what they look like (as if we needed more explained since their out fits are already explained) I don't normally explain outfits, but as stated in chapter one its for the story xD also some of the actions are different that's really all that's different, nothing plot wise is different.
> 
> Also as for thee last chapter that I'm still currently editing, a very good friend of mine drew some fanart for it! ^.^ you can look at it here -->http://straybunnyalois.tumblr.com/post/137568704058/hello-again-fellow-tumblr-users-i-am-back-oao
> 
> still haven't figured out links on this website still would love to know if anyone does xD
> 
> Last thing, if you notice the chapter limit, well it's because the story wasn't supposed to be this long since it was for shits and giggles. If I had known it would get so popular I would have tried to do more with it. My goal is to get more than 15 chapters, and so far it's working but we'll see when we get there lol.
> 
> ps. Title from Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes by Fall Out Boy (P.s.s It's going in my flippen playlist on youtube for this story lmaooo)  
>  
> 
> ALSO FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT BILL IS AN AWKWARD CHILD IN THIS STORY! THANKS BYE

**_C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!_ **

_He runs through the dark desolate hallways, breaths slicing through his lungs like a butcher chopping up animal meat. The words were thrown at his face, and he can feel them weighing down on him every step of the way. Even as his heavy footsteps lead him away from all their taunts, he could still hear the words slicing sharply on to him, sticking to him like needles are stuck through fabric. Every word pierces him, scarring him, and his eyes begin to flow like waterfalls._

_When had they all found out? They weren’t supposed to know. It was supposed to be his little secret. The only person he’s even told was his brother, so how?_

_The hallway felt **endless**. He should be outside the school by now, but why wasn’t he? _

_He kept running, speeding up just a little, and his pants seemed to be the only thing he could hear before he tripped, falling to the hard cold floor. His ears rung as he panted fast and heavy. His eyes flitted around the area, and- oh god, when had the walls closed in on him like this? He could hear their taunts being snarled at him._

_**“Gay!” “Faggot!” “Slut!”** _

_They berated him, smashing him down with their force, never seeming to go away. He shook as the walls around him seemed to get closer. He curled in on himself, hands fisting into his hair as beads of sweat trickled down his forehead, and he let out gasping sobs, incoherent rambling of pleas for the words to end. **Cease** from the existence that this world had created. His wrists burned from the scars that littered them, mocking him for being weak._

_Where was his brother? He needed him. Where was he? He wanted his brother! He wanted to leave! He wanted the words to stop! He-!_

 

Bill woke up, gasping. He breathed heavily, one hand going through his sweat slicked hair, while the other gripped the side of his face. Even in his black tank top and grey boxers, he was covered in sweat. Bill took slow deep breaths, before lowering his hands onto his blanket and looking over at the big mass on the bed that was Orson with Tad lying on top of him. When Bill had arrived back home from meeting with Dipper, he had seen the two curled up together on the couch, and a pang of jealousy had shot through him. Tad was one of the most carefree beings that Bill had ever met. The man had a caring, rather normal family. They all loved Tad, and supported his choice in being gay. They always called, asking how he was doing, and even asked if he needed any money to help pay for college, or even just simple things so both him and Bill could hang out. Bill had known them as long as he’s known Tad, and he had to admit, even though the family had pretty much declared him as their second son, it still didn’t take away the sadness that trickled into his heart at the thought of his parents loving him, and just… _acting_ like Tad’s. Calling him up, asking him how he was doing…asking him if he’s found a boyfriend yet…getting upset and not understanding how no man could _not_ see how perfect their son would be for someone…

Bill quietly walked out of the bedroom that he and Tad shared. He closed the door behind him, and proceeded to tiptoe into the small kitchen. The tiled floor was cold beneath his feet, and it was a huge welcome to how Bill had just been feeling prior. Bill proceeded to grab a cup from the cabinet, filling it with tap water from the sink. He took a few good gulps before heading to the couch and taking a seat on it. He couldn’t help but pull his knees to his chest, one hand sliding through his hair and pulling lightly at the bleached strands, while the other balanced the cup of water on his knees. He couldn’t stop his mind from drifting to a little home in a small, unimportant religious town that he had always despised, and will always continue to hate no matter what. He thought about his parents, and how much they had yelled at him, throwing the most terrible insults that he’d ever heard come out of their mouths at him, their own son. 

Bill’s breath hitches a bit as his eyes glaze with tears. 

He remembers how his mom would wrap him in her arms when he was scared or sad, and whisper reassurances into his ear. He remembers how he used to be scared of monsters when he was little, and his father use to teach him how to stand up to the nonexistent monsters. He remembers how his parents would take Will and him fishing, and his dad would show them the ropes, while Will and his mom would all cook a good meal and star gaze before heading back home. 

Where had all of that _gone?_

Bill sniffled, gritting his teeth and trying desperately to not let his tear filled eyes blink. He knew if they came out, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. 

He remembers when his whole school found out that he was gay. It was only a matter of time before his parents found out. He was lucky that school had just released for summer break that day. How had he gotten so? He went home, and everything went south. He told his parents, and- oh god, the hate, the yelling. That was the first time his dad had ever laid a hand on him. He was kicked out with so little things shoved at him to survive, and a bright red hand mark across the side of his face. He left, and didn’t hesitate to leave. He left, and hadn’t spoken to them since that day. That felt like so long ago… 

Bill couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He pushed his face into his knees, muffling his small sobs, not wanting to wake the people behind a thin layer of wall. The hand in his hair gripped and pulled hard, while the other gripped his cup so tightly that his skin turned white. 

He fell back to sleep on the couch the rest of the night. 

♡ ♡ ♡ 

**Dipper: Awww! Tad’s boyfriend sounds like the biggest snuggle bug! I’m a bit jealous; I may have to steal him from Tad for a while, lol.**

**Bill: Haha, please, that hunk of muscle wouldn’t be good for you in the slightest.**

**Dipper: Ohh~~ Is somebody jelly~ Is Billy jelly and not wanting to telly~**

**Bill: Jesus Christ, I think my eyeballs are bleeding.**

**Dipper: XP You asshole! You know my body is only for you~ (´ε｀ )♡**

**Bill: Hush up you! o///0///o**

Bill slammed his phone down on his leg, the friction making a small slap sound. Tad stopped his motions of unlocking his phone to cock an eyebrow at Bill shifting his bluish purple eyes to look over at him. “What’s the matter?” the raven haired male asked, before continuing his prior motions and going into tumblr to look at his notifications. 

“Dipper,” He started, face tinging red. “He...he’s being flirty.” 

“And this is a problem?” Tad said, slowly looking at who re-blogged his things. 

“Yes, no, I don’t know!” Bill said, huffing, and running a hand through his hair. He was supposed to have been at classes today, but let’s face it, he needed another day off. 

“Yeesh! Relax and just clear your mind. How you feel will come soon.” Tad said, giving his shoulder a pat. 

“Oh yeah, says the asshole who eats all of my hard earned bread, _and_ is the reason all of this started!” Bill snapped, causing Tad to glare at him. 

“You just didn’t.” The male said, and Bill gave a mock laugh. 

“I just _fucking did_.” 

Tad glared at him a moment before huffing, and letting his face relax. “Nah, I’m too lazy to fight. Catch me later to continue this argument.” 

Bill rolled his eyes, murmuring ‘Lazy dick wad’ loud enough for Tad to hear, but the man made no move to argue back. Instead he squealed, causing Bill to jump, and his anger bounce away from him. “What the actual fuck man?” Bill asked, and Tad shoved his phone in his face. 

“MysteryEnthusiast followed me!” He bellowed, pulling his phone back, and smiling with pure glee. “I can’t believe it! This is my actual dream! I never thought this would happen!” 

Bill scratched the ear that Tad had been yelling in. “Oh, I’m so happy for you.” He said, sarcasm dripping from his words, before his face softened. “Oh, I gave Dipper your tumblr name. He seems like he has the same interests as you, so I thought why not. Hope that was okay.” Bill said. 

“What? Oh, yeah, that’s fine.” Tad said, before squeaking and violently tapping the screen of his phone. He then pulled his phone to his chest, hugging it, and kicking his dangling legs. 

“What’s got you so happy?” Bill asked. 

“Orson and I are going on a date tonight~” Tad cooed, and smiled. Bill couldn’t stop himself from looking at the smile on Tad’s face. It was the sweetest, most sincere smile that he had ever seen on the man’s face. He could tell just how head over heels the large intimidating man. 

Bill looked down at his tan hands, rubbing them together lightly. The jealousy he had begun to feel poured all over him again. Why was he so jealous of Tad and Orson? Was it because they had something that he could never have? Or was it more? 

Bill’s eyes shifted to the old healed up scars on his wrists. They looked horrid, and he hated showing them. The only people aloud to see them were Tad and Will. When Tad had found out, Bill had been surprised when the man had thought that they were recent. He remembered it like it had just happened. Tad had caught sight of them, wrestled Bill to the floor, managing to one up him and hold his wrists, trying to encourage him not to give up on life just yet. 

The words ran through his head. Everything was vivid, from how Tad sounded, to what he did. 

_‘You can’t just give up because people suck, Bill! You can’t let it consume you like this, you’re too innocent, and it’s not fair to you! If no one will love you, I will, so just stop hurting yourself, please!’_

He had made Tad cry. It was such a big misunderstanding, and it had actually made his heart clench from how sincere the man sounded. Tad loved him like a brother, and he loved Tad the same way. Bill wasn’t innocent, but he left it be. If Tad thought his corrupted soul was innocent, then maybe the world was just a bit brighter knowing that it still had a few sensible people left. 

That time was also the first time he snuggled with someone that wasn’t his brother. 

Speaking of Will, he’d have to give him a call. It’s been a while since they actually talked. 

“You alright Bill?” Tad asked, bringing his thoughts to an end. 

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I’m just thinking. Have fun on your date.” He said, unlocking his phone again, and replying to Dipper’s message as he listened to Tad say ‘thanks’. 

**Bill: At least take me out to dinner first.**

**Dipper: Already have.**

**Bill: Oh, my body is ready~**

**Dipper: And here I thought you’d be dominating me~ You sly dog!**

**Bill: Oh you know I would~ You’d be begging in no time!**

**Dipper: Oh, we’ll have to see about that~**

Yeesh! Bill didn’t know if he could keep the conversation going without swearing on his life that they were flirting. Okay, maybe it really wasn’t much of a secret that that’s what they were doing, but Bill wouldn’t admit that he was actually in love with every word that he got from the short brunette out loud. It was all too embarrassing and he felt a bit awkward still. Maybe he was the one being awkward. Maybe he was the one with problems. 

In that case, he could sort those out later. Bill began tapping away on his phone, but before he could send the reply, another message appeared. He was a bit surprised, but clicked on it nonetheless, and was a bit happy to see that it had come from his brother. Though as he read over the message, worry filled him and he began to nibble on his bottom lip as he read the words on the text. 

_Will: We need to have a talk, and by talk I mean a serious conversation where you don’t hang up on me this time._

Well shit. 

Bill could feel irritation coiling in himself, and his brows narrowed at his phone, but no matter how much he wanted to be pissed off at his twin, it didn’t erase the fact that they did need to talk. It didn’t let the fact fade that he did hang up the last time because he knew he could escape from what his brother wanted. 

Bill sighed, but typed out an ‘okay’ and got up and headed for the bedroom. He muttered out ‘Gonna call my brother’ to Tad as he left. The short walk never could have prepared him for everything that his brother had to say. He knew the reason as to why he hung up last time, and it was really just because Will brought up the idea of sending pictures of the both of them to their parents. He knew that was a dumb reason to get mad and he was ready to apologize for it, but…When the words left his brother’s mouth, Bill froze, breath stopping short in his lungs, and he couldn’t stop himself from shaking a bit. 

“V-Visit our p-parents?” he eventually croaked out, memories of before flashing into his head. 

_“I know that you really don’t want to see them...b-but I feel like it will help you.”_ Will spoke softly. 

“No, no, I-! No! Hell no, I don’t want anything to do with those- Those- Ugh!” Bill said in an exasperated tone, panic so clear in his voice. “Fuck, Will, I can’t, okay?! T-They’re…ugh! I don’t even know!” A tan hand fisted into Bill’s bleached hair, breathing heavy and loud among the silence of the shared room. His thoughts were racing with a million thoughts about what could _possibly_ just happen if he were to see his parents, versus how much they _hated_ him. Everything that happened that day was a terrible memory he didn’t want to remember! He wanted to forget! He didn’t want their words berating him, yelling their venom onto his skin and burning him with every sharp word that pierced him like the small switch blade that he-! 

_“Bill!”_

His brother’s yell sounded so distant that he’d barely registered it. His breathing stopped dead in his chest, and god, when had tears began trickling down his face? When had his parents reduced him to this? But was it really just his family or a combination of both his home town and his parents? 

_“Slow deep breaths, in one, two, three, out four, five, six.”_

His thoughts stopped, focusing on the small words that his brother was saying through the receiver of his phone. He copied his brother, breathing in and out slowly. His throat burned, and he squeezed his eyes shut, hand gripping his phone. The hand that was fisted in his hair unclenched itself, sweaty hand moving to his knee, gripping hard enough to make his fingers turn white. When his breathing finally settled, Bill could feel just how sweaty he was. He allowed himself to unclench his hand, leaving his knee to deal with possible finger shaped bruises that may or may not form, and he rubbed the back of his hand over his tear streaked face. His wet golden eyes focused on the dull brown carpet as his brother spoke once again into the receiver. 

_“I don’t mean to hurt you, you know that! I just…I think it’s for the best Bill…I-I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to make you panic. I-It can wait a little longer, b-but I really think-“_

Bill ended the call, feeling no guilt whatsoever. 

**_C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!_**


	7. One, Two, Four, Eight. Make Him Feel Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One would end the self hate. 
> 
> Two would help him maintain himself. 
> 
> Four would take the pain away. 
> 
> Eight would make him feel _alive_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay, I made the decision to wait until I finally graduated to update this story. 
> 
> But that's not the reason I finally edited this chapter, even though it's been sitting finished in my phone for two months. 
> 
> No, I went to a con in Arkansas, and just got back home today from it, but I was dressed as Dipper last Saturday, and I found these sweet people who were into gravity falls, and we got to talking. Well I mentioned this story, and one of them was a huge fan of it, and my heart swelled up so much from what she had to say, that I couldn't just not put this chapter up the moment I got back from my con. She's such a sweetheart I had to!
> 
> So here it is everyone! And I am almost done with the next chapter already! I apologize for any grammatical mistakes, I will fix them at a later date. 
> 
> P.S- Shits getting real.
> 
> ALSO TRIGGER WARNING: ATTEMPTED SELF HARM

**_C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!_ **

When Bill walked out of the room, he was clad in his sweats, a grey hoodie, and his oily mess of hair was tucked into his beanie. He looked worse for wear, and Tad knew for a fact that he didn’t look _that_ bad before he went in there. He had heard yelling, but thought that it would have been better for both Bill and his brother to figure things out on their own. That had not been the case. Tad watched as Bill walked over to the couch, haphazardly putting on his yellow converse and tucking the shoe laces into them.

“What happened?” Tad asked, but Bill didn’t bother trying to answer. He simply hunched his shoulders, lips pursing as he was quick to make his way over to the door, grabbing his keys along the way. Of course, Tad being the worried friend that he was put his phone down, hopping up off the couch and running over to the partial blonde, hand going to grab Bill’s sleeve. Bill was quick to grab the man’s wrist roughly, shoving it away from him.

“Leave me _alone!_ ” He exclaimed, and all seemed to go silent. Bill panted lightly, looking at Tad who couldn’t meet his gaze. God, he wished he could raid his parent's alcohol cabinet...they always kept it for the holidays...

Bill could feel the dark ooze of guilt filling him, and he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His wrists seemed to burn with the urge to open skin once more. He couldn't help but shiver a bit, turning around, exiting the room, and quickly descending out of the dorm building and to the parking lot.

He quickly got into his car, shoving the key into the ignition, ready to pull the car out of park but…what was he doing? 

He sat there, breathing ragged, and eyes glazing over again. He didn’t want to admit to himself what he was doing. He didn’t want to tell himself that he was over reacting over something so small. He wanted to believe that this was all a big deal- and to him it _was._

His wrists burned once more, and his fingertips were itching to grab the small switch blade that he threw out long ago. He clenched his fingers, eyes darting around the car in an attempt to distract himself from the urge. In hopes to distract himself from the self hate, the old words that seemed to sing in his head like an evil, sorrowful cacophony. 

His eyes landed on a small metal nail filer. His wrists seemed to be ablaze at the sight, and his heart began to pound in his head. He bit his lips, some sanity still there, telling him not to give in, yet his fingers itched for it. The silent beg to touch the filer won. Bill picked it up in shaky hands, letting himself bend the filer in an attempt to break the weak metal in half. 

To the old locked up portion of Bill's mind, the pointed end wasn't sharp enough. 

The loud snap that sounded sent a rush of adrenaline through him as his old mind set back in. Thoughts of ways to stop his pain, his worry, his self hate, all circling together like a choir. 

Just one slice could end his self hate. Two slices could help him maintain himself. Four slices would take the pain away. Eight slices would make him feel _alive._

This is what he remembers doing back in high school. This number set was an old friend that he hadn't seen in a long time, but was what had helped him live. What helped him make it. 

His brother's warnings seemed to flash in his mind, but were lost immediately. Never mind what made his old friend disappear. What mattered now was the feeling of freedom that he _knew_ he would get from this. 

This broken part of the filer was gripped in Bill's hand, familiar to him. He brought it close to his scarred wrist, end pointed at an angle that would create a new scar. He pressed the metal to his wrist, ready to dig the broken piece in as hard as he could to make an incision, but his mind traveled elsewhere for a split moment. 

Dipper. 

That sweet, sweet boy. That loving boy that always sent Bill messages daily, and always had an interest in anything Bill talked about. Bill could feel unwanted butterflies fill him at the thought of the man, and a blush rose to his face a bit when he remembered their date. 

He knew what he felt, and he _hated_ it in a way. He didn't fall in love for reasons, yet here he was, having a crush on some guy he's only known for what? Three weeks? This was absurd to the partial blonde, and he let out a laugh. 

Love was idiotic and stupid. Love is what killed his hope in high school. Love is what caused his life to suck. Love is what forced him to live for so long...

But Dipper acted different than anyone else. He was like Tad and Will in a sense, loving him despite his terrible weight that he had dragging with him. He knew Tad and Will were carrying his baggage with them, and this was why it was so hard for him to have other friends. _'I just can't deal with how negative you are'_ some would say. _'You're baggage is too much for me'_ others would say.

Why did Dipper want this? He knew that the man wasn't one hundred percent happy. They may have been flirting a lot lately in their messages, everything may have started out okay, but that didn't stop the depressing messages that he tended to write to the brunet when he was in one of his moods. 

Maybe Dipper was clueless to Bill's pain...typical of people to ignore him when he really needed help.

Or maybe he willingly accepted how Bill was...maybe he loved that Bill was willing to try and be happy even though it was hard...

Bill glanced down at his leg, his phone seeming to be heavy in the pocket. He hesitated for only a moment before he dropped the broken end of the filer, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He then opened his messages, hitting Dipper’s name. his hands were shaking, and he was misspelling and inserting random letters, but in all honesty, he couldn’t really care at the moment.

**_Bill: can I mnaybe comew ovr Bill: lik tight now_ **

He sent the message, running his hand through his oily hair, forgetting about his hat, causing it to fall behind his head. He swallowed the lump in his throat, bringing a hand to his tight chest, frantic about getting a reply. If Dipper didn’t respond, he probably would end up crying himself to sleep in the back seat, or worse. He didn't want his negative side to eat at him and tell him that Dipper obviously didn't care since he didn't reply. He _needed_ someone right now. He should have confided in Tad, but…he pretty much ruined that…he was sure that the man was mad at him…God, what had he done? He just had to panic. This was all his fault, and if he had just stayed calm, and, and-and _listened_ to Will and _calmly_ declined the idea, then he wouldn’t be here. He's such an idiot, maybe he should just give up on everything and go die in a-no no, stop thinking like that!

 

The ding he got made him cry a little with relief, but the tears only poured when it was in fact Dipper who had messaged him back. Relief washed over him in waves. He cried pathetically in the front seat, hugging his phone like it was the boy, sniffling and whimpering here and there. He opened the message, crying just a bit more at the words, and he was quick to pull his car into reverse.

****_Dipper: Of course. Be safe on your way over._ ** **

****♡ ♡ ♡** **

Getting directions to the brunet's house was only the start of his worry. Once he parked he was full blown shaking. What would Dipper think of his disheveled appearance? Would he be okay with it? Would he not? What if he laughed in Bill's face and slammed th-STOP!

But...NO!

But what if-SHUT UP SHUT UPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!

 

_Shut up!_

Bill moved his wobbling legs to the apartment door, raising a shaking hand, only to have his trembles make the knock sound frantic. Well, it wasn't a lie that he was. However that didn't mean he was completely ready for Dipper to open the door.

It's like the brunet was waiting for him, because the moment Bill managed to take his hand away, the door was swung open, revealing a small man dressed in a 'One Punch Man' t-shirt, some _very_ short pastel pink shorts and topping it all off with some knee high pastel blue socks with bows on the sides. Bill's heart thumped at the sight despite how messy he looked and felt.

"Are you alright?" Dipper asked and Bill quickly shook his head. Dipper but the inside of his lip a bit and reached foreword to grab onto Bill's hand and pull him inside. "Come inside, and tell me what's the matter." The small male cooed.

Bill couldn't stop himself from flinching at the gesture, yanking his hand away. Guilt was quick to fill him once more at the man's rather hurt expression. Nonetheless Dipper stepped aside, giving the man room to enter. Bill fiddled with the hem of his hoodie, eyes looking everywhere but Dipper's. The brunet seemed to tap his foot, but whether it was out of worry or impatience, Bill didn't know. The partial blonde simply lifted his trembling leg, taking a step inside the small apartment. He was surprised by the slight messiness of the room. He expected Dipper to be more neat than this, but there was always room for surprises he supposed. 

Bill couldn't stop himself from standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room. What was he supposed to do exactly? He didn't think this far ahead. Shit, he wasn't ready to explain the situation. He just wanted to hide and cower away somewhere like the weakling he pretty much was. Why did he think that this was a good idea? Why did he-

 

"What happened?" Dipper asked, and Bill's heart skipped a few beats. He knew the brunet would ask him that..god what was he supposed to do now?!

"I-I..." Bill's heart was beating rapidly. He could feel a lump in his throat, and he nervously licked his lips, yelling at himself to say something, anything. "S-Something- My b-brother-! I-!"

The small man cut him off with a wave of his hand. Dipper then grabbed Bill's hand and pulled him over to the couch. Bill was just glad to avoid talking about the subject for as long as possible. 

When his rear hit the couch, he looked at the small man in front of him. Those beautiful brown orbs were filled with concern that Bill didn't deserve. Concern that he's only had two people give him no matter what. 

He almost didn't notice the small soft hands on his cheeks, but he felt the man's thumbs rub his cheek bones gently, and a soft voice that sweetly cooed reassurances at him. 

 

"You're alright, just relax." Dipper whispered to him, moving a hand to run his fingers through Bill's oily mess of hair.

 

Bill hadn't realized when his breathing was heavy and short until his heart beat slowed, and he took deeper breaths. It was then that he realized something. 

 

He was in deeper than he originally thought.

****_C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!_ ** **


	8. Seme or Uke?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What? You afraid that I'm hotter than you underneath these clothes?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to post this chapter a lot earlier, but I actually got called into work the same day, and the next two days after that, so I sincerely apologize. I've been working a lot, so do expect this.
> 
> Also to summarize all that I said in the authors note if certain people didn't see it, it was all mostly about where I've been, and what I'm doing.
> 
> Because of the constant working, if I am off a day on updating, and it's like the Monday after the week that is why. I am also going to Tokyo in Tulsa this year in Tulsa, Oklahoma if anyone is going. I would adore to meet some fans and just hang and chat with you all if at all possible. Let me know if you are going and would like to say hello! my badge will say my tumblr name which is 'dirksnipples-art'
> 
> But to updates, I will be attempting to update just once a week. Not on any specific day, just sometime in the week!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _

 

Bill's tired eyes studied the white ceiling above him. His half lidded eyes glided across every indent that stuck out to him. He stifled a small yawn that had bubbled up, and he shut his eyes, letting out a sigh through his nose. 

He should have never come here. 

He should have stayed with Tad and left this poor man alone. He was taking advantage of his kindness and his heart. He was a horrible person, and to Bill, that was a fact. 

He could try all he wanted to push Dipper away, but he didn't honestly think that he could. Not after he stepped in and managed to even tell Dipper what happened, the boy was confused, but he pulled Bill into a hug, comforting him. All Dipper could do was assume a few things, but nothing beyond that. 

The partial blond shifted his head, looking up at the boy's sleeping face. He didn't toss and turn, he wasn't much of a heavy sleeper, yet when Bill shifted he didn't wake. Bill let out another small sigh, looking back to the ceiling. He thought about all of the decisions that he made before he was kicked out of his only home. He wondered what he could have done differently, and where he would be if he did. Sure he was happy when he was younger, but that didn't stop the familiar moments of distress that the household got. 

The nights that his parents yelled at each other. 

The days that his father would hit him upside the head and yell at him to buck up and be a real man. 

The days that they forced him into a button up, slacks, and dress shoes and shoved him into the confessional, forcing him to talk to some person he didn't know. 

The days that he was forced to be someone he wasn't. 

The nights that were spent crying in his brother's arms until he fell asleep with him in his bed. 

Sure everything had been up and down his whole life, but it didn't really start to get terrible until he started high school. He remembers changing in the locker room his ninth grade year, and seeing the other guys undressing or showering attracted his eyes. 

His sophomore year was when the small crushes on his male classmates began. 

His junior year was when his official crush on one of the school jocks began. The guy was a few inches smaller than Bill himself, with a diamond shaped face, with short dark brown hair and the brightest blue eyes that reminded him of the sea. His name was Joshua, but everyone typically called him Josh. 

Josh was the one guy that everyone liked. He hung with people others thought were weird, he stood up for people when they were bullied. He's half mentioned here and there, though very little detail, that he was somewhat okay with homosexuality. 

Bill was pretty sure this was why he let the crush grow so much. 

However, this was also the year that someone caught on to his sick fantasies. 

He was murmuring to himself in the bathroom one afternoon, a while after school let out and all of the kids had departed for home, or so he thought. He remembers the day so clearly. His crush had gotten so bad that he had to excuse himself to the bathroom in order to try and rid himself of his hard on, but in the end, he refused to touch himself. Bill thought of himself as filthy scum that didn't deserve to feel pleasure, because that's how he was raised. His family looked happy, he had those fond memories, but sometimes those memories felt like lies. 

The picnics they had...he remembers being shoved into a car half awake with his brother next to him. He remembers being told by strained voices about what they'd be doing because they were a "happy family."

 

In those moments, it almost felt like they were. The tension eased down when his mother and father got out with the both of them, and both Bill and his brother seemed to keep them separated and occupied enough to have a rather decent day until they went home. 

Bill remembers this as the reason they went out so much. Everyone thought they enjoyed spending time together, and maybe that's what his parents tried to do. They tried to keep being together. They tried for both his and Will's sake to work, and that's why he has such fond memories, but honestly, he doesn't know. They never told him anything. 

But of course, he never told them when he began to hurt himself. They both shared that one small trait. That one little thing that wasn't meant for anyone's ears, and Bill sometimes wonders if his brother had one of those secrets. 

_He's never asked._

The man next to him stirring awake is what knocks Bill away from his thoughts. He looks up at the tired brown eyes that peer down at him sleepily. The eyes give him a soft, content look, and he just barely misses the smile that graces Dipper's face. 

Dipper slides a hand through Bill's gross hair, hand trailing to the back of his head, before sliding up his neck and cupping his cheek. He almost missed the light brush of the brunette's lips against his forehead, but he is reminded of how he got into this short man's bed in the first place. 

After Dipper hushed him when he was sitting on his couch, crying pathetically, Dipper led him to his bedroom, sitting him on the bed. The bed was much more comfortable than his bed in his dorm room. 

He remembers how Dipper smiled at him sweetly, trying to pull off his hoodie, and Bill let him. The man was quick to discard Bill's shoes, cooing at him here and there, but that's not what led to him in Dipper's arms. 

No what led him there were the male's next words. 

"It's okay to cry."

Bill's breath had caught in his throat at that, and he was opening his mouth to question Dipper, but the man cut him off. 

"If you hold in everything you feel, then you'll just keep feeling _worse._ Trust me, I know from experience. So if you're angry, or just sad, let it out, please. I just want to help."

Bill was trembling a bit from that, and his eyes were wide and water was pooling in them. He bit his bottom lip hard, and Dipper just smiled at him. 

"I know from experience that right now, you don't want me to see it. You want to avoid the subject as long as you can. Well, that just makes it harder on you when you do finally crack. I learned that the hard way when my sister finally got me to crack about everything I was feeling."

Bill was choking up. At the time he didn't understand why Dipper was telling him. 

"It sucks when people pick fun at you just because you happen to like girl clothes. It sucks when you turn out to be gay to and they try to find more ways to drag you down."

Bill could feel himself hiccuping slightly, Dipper blurred in his vision, yet he had refused to cry. 

"But in the end, it's okay. Everything's okay when you have people around you who love you anyway."

_Tad._

"Sometimes those people will make mistakes or you hurt them and you both get on each other's nerves, but that doesn't stop the fact that you love them and they love you."

_Will._

 

"So just hurry up and let it out, you stupid dork."

Bill remembers letting out choked sobs. He remembers the loud sobs that left his throat raw, but he also remembers Dipper pulling him up to get under the covers before hushing him. 

Bill remembers clinging to the man like he was his lifeline. 

"Good morning," Dipper says, looking down at Bill once more. "How are you feeling?" He asks. 

"Mentally drained." Bill mumbles. This earns him a hug from the brunette. 

Bill wonders what Dipper's thinking. Could it be bad? Possibly. Is there a very good chance that Dipper will ask about what happened? Yes. Bill knows that he will-that he _wants_ to, and Bill is somewhat _terrified_ of Dipper asking still. 

It's not like they both know _everything_ about each other. Bill didn't tell the man many things because he didn't want to be _rejected._ Bill knew what he felt for Dipper, and not everyone liked holding onto so much baggage. He didn't see Dipper wanting to do any of that. Not after what he told him yesterday. 

Granted, it was broken words, but to Bill, just those few words were everything. 

He knew Dipper suffered just as much as he did, maybe even more, but he had people to help him pick up the pieces. He didn't fully understand how the brunette could be so _happy._

"That's alright. Do you want to sleep more?" 

God yes. He wanted to lie there and never deal with anything ever again. But the last time he did that, his brother found him worse for wear, and he was just lucky that his brother even covered for him. His parents thought that he was dead. 

Then again, they thought that to even after kicking him out. 

He knew he _shouldn't_ lie there, but he just _wanted_ to. He wanted to hide from the world, but he _knew_ if he did then he'd be back at square one. Back where he started before he got kicked out. Before he realized that hurting yourself gets you nowhere. 

"N-No," he manages to stutter out. "It's best if I get up." He says to Dipper, who only nods and rolls off the bed. 

Bill can't stop himself from scoffing a bit at the brunette. Dipper just looks at him with a pout. 

"What?" He questions. 

Bill simply rolls his tired golden eyes. "Nothing." He says as he sits up, scooting off the bed like a normal person. 

He could honestly get used to watching Dipper roll off the bed everyday. Just the thought made his heart gush at just how cute the male was. 

He misses the eye roll that Dipper gives him, but his hands are immediately assaulted with smaller ones tugging him toward the bathroom. 

"What are we doing?" He questions as Dipper pulls him inside the white and brown colored bathroom.

"Taking a bath, what does it look like?" Dipper says, closing the door and starting the bath water. He plugs the bottom, letting the water fill up with warm water, and he quickly turns to Bill, small hands tugging at his sweats. 

Bill almost squeaks from embarrassment, larger hands gripping the smaller male's arms. Dipper looks a bit offended, before replacing it with a smirk. 

"What? You afraid that I'm hotter than you underneath these clothes?" The brunette teases, and it takes one look over of Dipper to send Bill off in a fit of giggles. 

Dipper doesn't look the least bit offended, but rather pleased. Pleased that he could make Bill smile, even if it was just a little. 

"Oh yeah, I'm so utterly _terrified._ " Bill joked back, grabbing the ends of his black tank top, and pulling it over his head, and revealing his skinny, slightly muscled torso. He wasn't packing abs, but at least he looked pretty decent, or so it seemed from the blush on Dipper's face. The blush seemed to be contagious, because Bill started to blush, standing there a bit awkwardly, sweat forming on his forehead. It was like everything about the situation dawned on him all at once that his crush was looking at him. Because holy _shit_ Bill's _crush_ was _looking_ at his _chest._

And the older man looked _pleased._

This caused Bill to tap his fingers together lightly, looking away from Dipper. "Y-Your turn." He muttered. 

This seemed to cause Dipper to come back to reality. The shorter man was immediately more red in the face than Bill was, and he lifted shaky hands to his anime t-shirt, pulling it over his head slowly and- _oh_

_Oh my god._

Dipper had a pastel green and pink rose decorated with small pastel blue and teal hearts and stars littering the petals tattooed right on his side. 

Bill stared a bit dumbfounded. Dipper bunched his t-shirt over the tattoo out of embarrassment. "W-What?!" The older male stuttered, causing Bill to snap out of his daze and look away. 

"N-Nothing, nothing, I...Nice tattoo." He commented. 

Dumb ass...

It was Dipper's turn to look away. "T-Thanks..." He mumbled. 

The situation would have turned awkward if Bill hadn't set about taking off his sweats and boxers. The brunette squeaked a bit, causing Bill to blush as he quickly sat down in the middle of the tub. "Y-You coming?" He questioned. 

"Yeah." Dipper said as he peeled his long pastel blue socks off, before chucking off his pink pastel shorts. 

It didn't take him long to settle behind Bill, leaning against the tan male. 

"Why are you behind me?" Bill questioned.

"Because I'm the oldest." Dipper stated, and Bill didn't understand what being older had to do with sitting behind him. Wouldn't it be better that Dipper sat in front of him since he was smaller?

Unless Dipper was the dominate ty-

What the hell was Bill _thinking?_

He shook his head a bit, leaning back against the smaller man, who trickled water onto his hair. He closed his eyes as Dipper wet his hair down. When he opened his golden eyes, he came face to face with Dipper's blushing face, brown eyes wide in embarrassment and curiosity. 

They both seemed to lean toward each other slowly, faces growing closer, lips about to brush. 

It was Dipper who leaned away, clearing his throat, face still flaming. 

Bill took this time to think about the grossest thing he's ever seen to get rid of the small hard on he was sporting.

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _


	9. Back Stories and Dirty Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I let my parents shove me into the car every Sunday until my freshman year, but the only reason that I refused to go, was because that was the first few moments of my life that I began to look at other boys."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually posted this time. 
> 
> Imma fix the entire story, so just role with it. Role with this half-assedly edited story.  
> I actually wrote the entire story on my phone, but it messed up, so I had to get a new one and the story is gone. Bare with me for a bit, please. 
> 
> P.S I'm dying slowly and am starting crunch time on my cosplay for TNT
> 
> Do I need a warning here? Maybe. Wanting for abusive parents? Something like that. Just in case, I suppose.

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _

 

Thinking of Tad sucking off Orson’s gross dick didn't completely help deflate Bill’s tiny hard on, but Tad’s face full of dick seemed to do the trick itself. 

Tad didn't have to know that. No one had to know that his first thought at getting rid of a boner was his roommate and his boyfriend.

Yeah, no one had to know…

Bill wanted to slap himself. 

“You alright?” Dipper asked, and Bill let the out a nervous laugh. 

"I-I'm fine!" He said awkwardly as he grabbed the shampoo, handing it to the male. "You can wash my hair now."

Dipper blinked a few times, before he reached out for the bottle, eyes managing to catch the scars that contrasted with Bill's skin. He faltered for only a split second, but it was all that was needed for Bill to notice. 

"They're so ugly." The partial blonde muttered, cheeks heating up a bit. 

Dipper gaped at him for a moment, before grabbing the bottle with one hand, the other hand rubbing Bill's forearm. The brunet blinked stupidly for a moment, a bit dumbfounded and unsure of what to say. However, he did manage to stutter out a _'No.'_

Bill gave him a confused look, to which Dipper reacted by setting the bottle in his hand on the side of the tub, while using his other hand to turn Bill's hand over, inspecting the scars. A few ran over others, making an 'X' motion, while the rest continued on in a horizontal pattern. 

Dipper's mouth was set in a flat line as he inspected. He used his free hand to lightly trace the patterns, before he looked up to Bill. "Are there others?" He questioned. 

Bill seemed to fidget a bit and squirm at Dipper's question. His face was red, and sweat became rather noticeable on his forehead. The young male did manage to clear his throat however, licking his lips, letting out a strained _' Yes.'_

"Where are they?" 

Bill began to fidget once more, before showing him his other wrist, which looked much worse than the other. Dipper's small gasp didn't go unnoticed, and Bill could feel shame pooling inside of him. Dipper took the small moment to lightly pat his wrists, smiling at the tall male. "They're just scars, that means that you aren't doing it now." 

Bill felt a bit of relief fill him, but it was quickly washed away when he remembered that no, there would have been some fresh ones if it weren't for the fact that he threw away the broken nail filer. If it weren't for his mind wondering last minute, and Dipper texting him, he would be covered in a few scars that would have taken a lot of pressure to even get. 

More shame filled him, and he tensed up, trying to turn away from Dipper. 

"W-What's wrong?" Dipper stuttered out, slight panic in his voice. 

"There would be more." Bill said in a small quiet voice. 

Dipper opened his mouth, ready to ask what Bill had meant, but he quickly shut it. He instead pursed his lips, small hands going to grab Bill's shoulders. Bill tensed up more, and he lowered his head. Dipper bit his bottom lip a bit, before attempting to massage the male's shoulders in an attempt to help him relax. 

Bill let out a small sigh, looking back at the small man. "What are you doing?" He questioned. 

Dipper's lips seemed to purse more at the question, and he pulled Bill back in an attempt to push Bill's back against his small chest. 

This was the worst idea that Dipper had ever had. He already struggled enough trying to lug Bill around, let alone pull, and instead got a head on his chest. 

Was that a dick pushing against Bill's back?

The entire situation set both their faces red, but neither tried to fix it. 

Dipper took the moment to pour shampoo into his hand, beginning to scrub Bill's scalp. The motion relaxed Bill immediately. He let out a small, content sigh, eyes closing, and he pushed a bit of of his weight onto Dipper. 

Dipper took the moment to look down at Bill, biting the inside of his lip for a moment. He was still rather confused about a lot of things, and where information would be helpful, he couldn't exactly force Bill to talk. However, he could _try. And try he did._

Dipper cleared his throat, causing Bill to open one eye, and question him silently.Dipper licked his lips, wondering exactly what to say. He didn't want to be blunt, but then again that's exactly what he needed to do. He sighed, before settling with "We've been talking for a while now," 

Nerves once more filled both Bill's and Dipper’s stomachs. "However, I've come to realize now that I don't really know anything about you."

A rather weird way to start this, but Dipper already felt awkward enough about asking. This was better than nothing, he supposed. 

Bill himself wanted to make some snarty comment back, but all words died in his throat. Dipper was right. He only knew what Bill chose to show him. But wasn't that enough?

"There were a few messages that seemed to sound...sad?" Dipper questioned, and Bill nodded a bit. "Then I was right." The brunet finished, and Bill looked up at him, an eyebrow cocked. 

"What do you mean?" He questioned as Dipper ran his fingers through his bleached blonde bangs, fingers messing with the area where his brown roots were showing through the blonde. 

"What I mean is, I didn't know if I was going to say the right things. You sounded sad, but when I tried to cheer you up, it wasn't about how to fix the situation. It was me trying to find a new topic. I didn't-" 

"What you did was fine. It's my fault." Bill said, cutting the male off. 

"How is it your fault?" Dipper asked. 

"Well, I'm the one who chose to be like this." Bill responded, causing Dipper to snort. 

"I'm sure you have your reasons for doing what you did."

It was Bill's turn to snort. 

"Being depressed is a terrible reason to hurt yourself." He responded. "I should have done something else to help myself, not this."

"What all happened?" He asked and Bill looked rather lost for a moment. "I mean, what lead to it? You seem so cheerful, and always have terrible come backs."

Bill rolled his eyes, lips twitching into a smile at Dipper's comment. "Just...a little of everything I guess."

"What do you mean?" Dipper questioned. 

"I mean that everything just seemed to cause it. I started...self harming...in high school, but I was already depressed before that." Bill answered. 

"What lead into it?"

Bill felt a bit mentally exhausted at Dipper asking all of these questions. 

"Family, people, everything really. It's hard not to be stressed when you grow up with religious nuts." Bill said, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Care to elaborate?" Dipper questioned more. 

"What is there to explain? Everyone was religious, my family pushed it onto me, people didn't help, I was kicked out, end of story. You can fill in the gaps." Bill said a bit more harshly than he intended. 

"Wait, why were you kicked out?" 

"Because I'm gay!"

Bill didn't mean to snap at Dipper like he did. He bit the inside of his bottom lip, looking away from the man, guilt filling him. There was a short silence before Dipper began to rinse Bill's hair. 

"...What lead to it?"

Dipper knew that he was treading on thin ice already, but he felt the need to ask once more. 

"..."

"Would you...you know..be up to telling me?"

Bill looked down at his lap, silence filling the air once more. Did he really want Dipper to know? It's not that much of a deep story. It's not really hiding anything about him. Maybe it would be fine. Then again, what if it just stressed the older man out?

That was an idiotic thought. If it stressed Dipper out, then why were they still even friends at this point? The other things should have made him know better. 

Bill sighed, leaning back against Dipper, nibbling on his lip more. He could taste a bit of copper from the excessive biting. 

The silence seemed to drag on for a while. By this time, Dipper figured Bill was preferring to keep his mouth shut, but Bill broke the silence. 

"My parents use to send me to the confessional a lot..." The younger man said in a small voice. 

Dipper blinked at him a few times. "Why?" He asked. 

"Because I was the 'problem child' so to speak. I 'sinned' a lot is what their excuse was." Bill sighed at the mere thought of it. "I grew up in this small town. It was so small that it held around 500 people, and everyone was some religious nut. Everyone was at church on Sunday's, had youth for the teens on Wednesdays, held events at the church, the whole shabang. My parents always forced my brother, Will and I awake at 5 am so that we could do early chores and get ready for church later that morning. We sang and prayed, I was forced to raise my hands and say 'hallelujah!' a lot, though I never knew what it meant. I would go the confessional nearly every Sunday talking to some man I didn't even know. He'd ask what all I did, and I'd just tell him what all I've been doing at home, and how I don't understand what all I did wrong, but he'd answer with something. Telling me how to fix it. This happened a lot until I was fifteen. I-I…”

Bill went quiet, body beginning to shake a bit. He's never really told anyone about all of this. Not even Tad had the _whole_ story. Bill could hear his heart _pounding_ in his chest, and his breathing had quickened. He swallowed the thick heavy lump in his throat, and couldn't stop the small whimper that escaped him.

Dipper kissed the back of Bill’s head, rubbing his arm comfortingly. “You don't have to continue.” The older male said, and Bill couldn't stop himself from feeling relief. 

Relief, _but the need to just get it out_.Could he consider not saying every detail, and just keep it in? Isn't giving an abridged version like he gave Tad ‘letting it out’?

Maybe it really wasn't. 

Bill felt so _tired_. So tired of work, college, being an adult, responsibility, just _everything_.

Bill took a deep breath, letting it out, and closing his eyes for a moment. He then opened his mouth, pushing a bit more of his weight onto Dipper. “I let my parents shove me into the car every Sunday until my freshman year, but the only reason that I refused to go, was because that was the first few moments of my life that I began to look at other boys."

Bill's voice wavered slightly, and his eyes began to sting. He remembered how much his parents yelled at him the moment he said that he was going to stop attending church. He was grounded for three months, and even then he was forced to read verses from the Bible his parents forced him to keep in his room. _‘Write down this passage, tell me what it means, and then explain to me how you should follow its example!’_

"I-It didn't always keep me from going, but I didn't have to attend every time…” Bill could taste more copper. “I-I...uhm…” god, why did this hurt to say?

Bill took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, before licking his bruised lips. “I-I used to think that something was _wrong_ with me. That I wasn't normal...it really got to me. All I knew was that I had to _force_ these thoughts away. When I became a sophomore the small crushes began, and it was that year that the panic really set in. I was _afraid_ of what might happen to me if someone found out. I was so afraid that when I went to the confessionals, I didn't spill a word about it. What you didn't know, wouldn't hurt you, right? It would just be my little secret. This was around the time that my cutting began. I was just so _stressed_ and I _hated_ myself. I thought I was disgusting and tainted, and that I was screwed and going to get severely punished. 

My junior year was terrible. There was this kid in my class who I thought was the sweetest guy ever. I had a legitimate crush on this guy, and I wanted to just hold him in my arms and kiss him, and just..." Bill trailed off, sighing once more.  
He felt Dipper give his arm a light squeeze. It was what Bill needed to continue. "It was harder to keep it in. I've had to watch myself from flirting with him, wanting to hug him. I even had to watch what compliments I gave. However, it got to the point where I had terrible erections. My hormones were terrible, but it just made the stress worse. I thought that if I touched myself to the thought of him that I'd really be deep in shit. ‘Course that's where all the drama began. I was in the bathroom one Friday evening, school was out, and I was in the bathroom thinking of ways to get my boner down without touching myself, and of course this guy from my third hour comes in, Eric, and hears me panicking about how I shouldn't feel this way. I'll just taint this man, and all I remember is grabbing onto him, sobbing, and just _begging_ him not to tell anyone. I was so terrified, but this guy just calms me down, and I swear it was some kind of dumb luck that he was gay as well."

More tears stung his eyes, and his breath hitched. 

"That was when everything began to go down hill. Eric and I had began to have an 'acquaintance with benefits' thing going on, and I thought that it was a good thing that I was being able to control myself around my crush, Josh was his name, but I knew I was still in deep shit for even just _doing_ these things. Well one night while my parents were out doing their 'bonding' night, my brother and I were home and I had invited Eric over. Well the intention was just maybe some blow jobs since my brother was home, but I thought he was asleep, and here Eric was, kissing me and his hand was in my pants as my brother walks in. The three of us just all seemed to stop. It almost felt like time itself had stopped, until Will frantically apologized and ran out of the room. At that time Eric and I were arguing, and of course I was sobbing and pretty much crying out in panic, but I was so grateful when my brother came in and hugged me. I thought he had _hated_ me and thought I was sick, but it was more of the opposite. He's always been one of those open minded people, so he had promised to keep the secret. But near the end of my junior year was when I got my first piercing, my parents grounded me for a good month after that, and I had to go 'confess' about it. But of course that was just phase one of making my parents explode.I started dressing in skinny jeans and I shaved the sides of my head, but by that time my parents just grounded me for rest of the summer and my entire senior year…” Bill trailed off. He could feel himself shivering from the mere memory of it all. 

“My parents _always_ fought. They pretended that they were happy with each other, pretended that we were a happy family, but I had honestly failed to notice that I was causing them to fight more with everything that I was doing."

"When did you get kicked out?" Dipper finally spoke. 

"It was the last day of high school. Everyone had somehow found out my big secret. I had panicked all through graduation, nearly tripped on stage, and I was breathing rapidly, it was that bad. When I had gotten home my parents continued to act the same. By some miracle they hadn't found out yet, but I knew that they would. They were going to find out, so I just tossed all of the cards and small gifts from family and family friends aside, and I gathered my mom and dad into the living room. Will was somewhere in the house at this time, but I almost wish I had gathered him up as well. It was such a horrible moment. Everything at once seemed to go wrong.."

 

_**♡ ♡ ♡** _

 

"Are you sure you want to tell them?" Bill asked himself, sighing heavily and running a hand through his dark brown hair. He needed to do this. It's better to hear it from the source, rather than have everyone say something and if he the complete opposite. 

He could do this, deep breaths. Deep, slow breaths. Get it out now, face the consequences, and just keep moving forward. 

_You can do this._

He walked out into the living room, his parents bickering about something or another, though they went silent when they saw Bill. 

"What's up kid?" Bill's father questioned, and his mother nodded in agreement, smiling at him. 

 

_Stop faking your happiness._

His heart seemed to race with more fear, and he began to pant just a bit. 

"U-Uhm...w-well..." He trailed off, swallowing thickly, looking at his feet. "Th-There's something that I p-personally wanted to tell you guys before hearing it from everyone else...." He said in a small voice, wringing his hands together, and his father snorted. 

"What? Skip out on paying your tab at the diner again?" His dad joked, to which his mother chuckled at, yet his cheeks were ablaze. 

"N-Not exactly," he squeaked a bit. 

"What is it then kid?" His father said, and he began to pant heavier. 

"Sweetheart, what's wrong? You're breathing rapidly, sit down love."

_Please, don't act like you care._

"Yeah listen to your mother, you look like you could fall over champ."

_Stop pretending to agree with her decisions._

Bill put a hand on his chest, clutching his white dress shirt tightly, while the other ran through his dark brown locks once more. He could feel sweat forming, and he began to tremble a bit. Oh god, how was he supposed to say it? What if they force him to the church? He's heard stories of how they would try pushing him down into water while the priest said verses that would supposedly get rid of his thoughts. What if it was worse than that? What if-

"Bill?" 

When his mind seemed to straighten itself out, Bill recognized the voice as his brother. He licked his dry lips, sucking in a breath, lifting his eyes, and that was the worst mistake that he's ever made. 

"I'm gay."

The voice that left with those words trembled and broke, but what hurt was the look of hatred that both of his parents displayed toward him. 

His father had gotten up off the couch, hands clenched into fists, face red with anger. 

"You're joking." He stated, like what Bill said was a lie. 

"N-No." Bill stuttered out, and the next thing that he knew was that he was on the ground, and the side of his face was _throbbing._

"You disgraceful piece of _shit._ " his father hissed at him, ready to hit him more. His mother seemed to join him by grabbing his hair, spouting about how a demon was controlling him, and he was hyperventilating by this point, crying and looking around frantically. When he spotted Will, he was _begging_ for his help. 

It was that moment that _felt_ betrayed. His brother had turned away from the situation, and he felt numb and broken as his parents verbal insults fell on deaf ears. All he remembers about the situation was that he father had hit him upside the head, grabbing his wrist in a tightening grip which was sure to bruise, and hoisting him up. His mother was left crying on the floor, asking where she had gone wrong as they stumbled to the door, and his brother had a small bag in his hands, eyes on the floor. 

"You're lucky that William is such a _good kid_ and is willing to give stuff to you. Objects don't fucking _deserve_ any of this."

That was the first time that he's ever been referred to as an object, and he almost didn't process it as the door was swung open, hitting the wall with a loud thud. He almost missed the bruising pain of his father's fingers digging into his upper arms roughly, and shoving him outside into the dark, bag thrown at his head, and door slammed in front of him. 

He remembers getting up off the ground after a good few minutes when his father threatened to get his shot gun if he didn't take his disease somewhere else. 

He sobbed himself to sleep under a bridge that night. 

_**♡ ♡ ♡** _

 

Dipper was silent after Bill had finished. He couldn't imagine not having his sister and grunkles there. He couldn't imagine Mabel betraying him like that.

What stuck out in Dipper's mind was how much he finally understood just what exactly happened yesterday. 

What kid would _ever_ want to be near their relatives when they pretty much threw you out for what you liked? What kid would ever want to even _attempt_ to see them when all they can do is _fear everything?_

Dipper could never play the scene out with Grunkle Stan or Ford shoving _him_ out like that. He could never picture them threatening to _shoot_ him if he didn't leave. The mere thought sounded uncharacteristic of them. 

But Bill _expected_ his parents to react this way. 

He _expected_ them to insult him or attempt to take him to their church and somehow try and cure him for something that was human nature. 

He expected the hate, but he still _hoped_ that they would laugh at him and ask if he was seeing a boy yet, or if he wanted to wear a dress or maybe a tux at his wedding. 

He hoped they would drop hints about grandkids or if he would be adopting a kid of his own soon. 

He just _wanted_ his mother to be happy and his father to be proud of him. 

But all he get was verbal and physical abuse, and was left to fend for himself. 

Dipper could never imagine his family doing that. 

Dipper cleared his throat a bit, placing his hand on Bill's forearm. He pursed his lips a bit when the younger male flinched away, but he continued on, rubbing his hand up and down, attempting to comfort the man. He then pressed a light kiss to the back of Bill's neck, listening to the partial blonde let out a small sigh of relief. 

It was then that Dipper brought both hands up to Bill's shoulders, massaging them, working his thumbs in circles across the stiff muscle. He continued to pepper Bill's neck in kisses, feeling the male lean his full weight against him. The man may have been both bigger and heavier than Dipper himself, but it did not deter the brunet from continuing his task. 

They stayed like that, Dipper continuing his ministrations until the younger male felt more relaxed, and attempted to get up from the tub, all desire to continue showing dispersing. 

Dipper watched him quietly, not wanting to push him anymore than he already has. He silently watched the man dry off, slipping back into the clothes that he had worn to Dipper's apartment. 

Bill was about to walk out, but his reflection caught him before he left. Dipper stared silently, watching Bill's every move. Watching every small movement like it would give him insight on just _who_ Bill really was back then. 

 

Bill looked tired as tired as he felt, and his golden eyes were puffy from crying. However, he still looked as handsome, even if he had just cried. 

His slightly pointed chin, the light dust of freckles, his long lashes, his big gold eyes. The long blond part of his hair waved in his face, loose strands tangling in his golden septum piercing a bit. He huffed lightly, running a hand through the false blond locks, pushing them back.

Bill huffed at his reflection, grabbing the blond, and looking at his roots that seemed to be showing. 

He really did need to re-dye his roots blond, or else he'd go back to the natural brown that his hair used to be.

He was honestly contemplating going full brown once more and getting an undercut. 

Maybe Dipper wouldn't mind. 

 

...

 

Dipper's opinion on his hair shouldn't matter, but Bill knew fully well why it did. 

No use hiding from it now. 

 

“Want me to make you some breakfast?” Dipper asked as he dried off. Bill looked over at the short man, eyes spotting a small tattoo once more. 

“Uh, what kind?” He questioned. 

“Pancakes? I can make pancake art.” Dipper said, throwing on a new pair of purple panties, along with a somewhat see-through blue silky nightgown. 

He really wanted to caress that delicate looking body. Kiss those beautiful, soft looking lips. He wondered what Dipper would sound like moaning. 

Bill’s dick twitched, and this time, he really did slap himself, a worried Dipper began to fret over him.

He was in deep shit now. _Deep hot, adorable, sexy shit._

_**C ♡ ndy P ♡ p!** _


End file.
